2012/ End of the world

Tomorrow is suppose to be the end of the world according to the Mayan Calendar.  Do I believe this?  No, I don't.  2012 has been an interesting year; both good and bad.  There is a lot I have learned from other people (Friends, Family, or people I just hate with a undying passion). 

The bad thing that happened this year:

Chris didn't go back to Humboldt because he failed out.  It was his fault, but he did have help from not so great people.  Three a little witches who uses him for his stuff and won't let him focus on school.  Again it is also his fault because he can't be a man and stand up for him self.  A few of his friends from the fencing club were bad mouthing me because apparently I'm the reason why Chris wasn't going back to school.  This lead to another fight and me actually breaking up with him because I told him that I'm sick of that fact he does nothing and let people talk bad about him, and me.  I had to be the one to speak up.  My uncle passed away this year because he was really sick and told no one about it.  My best friend got fired from Wal Mart. I got bit by a mouse...

The good thing that happened this year:

Chris gets to stay here and finish school without the bad influences in his life.  He gets to focus and do well.  The fights that we have made him realize that he needs to grow up and change his ways.  I got my master teacher permit and working on getting my B.S degree in Child Development.  My best friend is not giving up from looking for a new job and is keeping her head high. My uncle is no longer sick.  Chris got rid of the "trash" in his life.

Things I've learned:
-Some people will never be happy unless they can change:
(I use to have this friend that is always depressed and no matter what you do, she'll never be happy.)
- Sometimes something bad must happen, in order to move forward
-Hard work and determination goes a long way
-Not everyone that seems like great people are always great people...
-Never pick up a wild mouse

Choices

Life has many choices, but the problem is that some of us get so blinded by one choice that we forget that there is others.  It is hard to make the right choice because we don't know what will happen.  Today I got a phone call from one of my best friends and she told me that her job fired her.   To be fair the place that she worked at are not the greatest and they fired my brother for the same thing. I was sad for her, but what made me angry is that this so call wonderful friend of her's is living  in New Mexico and told my friend that she can move up there.  I know what some of you maybe thinking what the deal is.... The problem is that this girl told mybfriend about joining the Navy, so this girl doesn't have to do it alone.   This leaves my friend blind to other possibilities that she can do, but won't want to do them.

This chick is bad news and something about her I don't like.   I don't like that she controling my friend because this chick can't do anything on her own.

Word of advice:
Don't rule out other choices for one person that is using you

Blood-sucking parasites (Politics)

I'm glad that the elections are over.  I'm so sick of stupid politicians telling us lies, and some of the supporters (not all, some) posting things on facebook on how this person is an idiot, or how this one is a crook.   I understand that we have that right to share our thoughts and feeling, but I don't agree how disrespectful the others can be.  I almost didn't vote for a president because I don't feel either one was the right man for the job.  I was only going to vote for the props because there I felt I had a voice and making a change.  I did vote for a president, but I'm not saying who. 

The reason why I'm writing this is of something that really ticked me off.  I saw a post saying:

"Obama is president, so the world is going to end...jk..."

That did really bugged me, but what I'm going to tell you next is what bugged me the most...
My brother posted a picture of Big Bird flipping off.  I'm assuming that was a jab at Mitt Romney.  My grandpa comments saying that was immature, and I agree with him.  But the person that posted about the world ending agreed with my grandpa.  That kind of bugged me.  It is okay for you to make a comment like that is also immature, but it isn't okay for someone else to do the same.  I agreed that the picture was out of line, but don't claim someone is being rude when you are doing the same.  It also goes for the other side.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that don't get mad at someones post when you are doing the same.

Word of Advice:
Please keep you political views to yourself...

The Ring

I don't really believe in buying a promise ring.  1) they are pricy and 2) you might as well buy a wedding ring. Spring break 2009, my boyfriend gave me his class ring to promise me that he does love me and that he wants nothing bad to happen in this relationship.  A week later, I gave my class ring to him.  We didn't do it just to show off that we are in a relationship, but it was a nice reminder that we truly care for each other.  It helped while he was up in Humboldt for two years, and we really didn't get to see each other all that often.  It always reminded me of the promise he made to me.  Because his ring is too big for my hand and my ring is too small for his hand that we put it on necklaces.

A long time ago, I saw another  couple that did the same thing.  The reason they did it was because that she wanted to show off her relationship status, and those were her words.  I'm not saying that it is wrong or right, but I don't agree with it.  A few days ago I see that she lost her ring and was bummed. 

I made this post to share why I always wear a a necklace with my boyfriend's class ring on it.  It isn't to show off my relationship status...it is for me to remember why I'm with him and that it means the world to me.

Word of advice....well I guess I don't have one....

Dear Humboldt

Dear Humboldt Fencing Club,

I am sorry that I am not rich, or wonderful like you claim to be.  I'm sorry that I treat people with respect (those who earned it).  I'm sorry that I don't take back what I say because I mean everything I say.  I'm sorry that I don't go out every night to get drunk and sleep around with different people.  I'm sorry that I stand up for myself and my loved ones.  I'm sorry that I choose to be a decent human being than spoil little brats who treat people like crap.

You think you are better than me?  Let us review:
You sleep with almost everyone
I respect my relationship and choose not to cheat
You think you are better than everyone else that don't meet your standers
I treat people with respect until they do something that breaks it
You talk shit about people
I will stand up to you

Just because you are part of a group doesn't mean that your shit doesn't stink.  Just because mommy and daddy paid for your school doesn't mean you have the right to look down on me.  I'm paying my way through school.  I work hard to be where I'm at.  You claim the people that aren't in your inner circle is beneath you, but truth be told that you are lower than scum.

Your's truly


P.S.  Not everyone in the fencing club is like this...and they know who they are

To my love

To my love,

I love you so much
I'm here for you

Give me your sadness
So I can cry with you

Give me your rage
So I can clam you

Give me your hand
So I can help you find your way

The world may be dark
It may be cruel
I will be your friend
I'll walk the road next to you

Give me your Dreams
So I can help make them come true

Give me your friendship
So you'll never be alone

Give me your heart
I promise I will never break it

I'm hear for you
I love you oh so very much

Pros and Cons

My boyfriend has been home from Humboldt for awhile.  Though he does have two jobs, I still make more money than he does, but not by much.  I made a pro and con list....

Cons of boyfriend being back:
- Go through a lot of money
- Get side track from school work
- Feeling suffocated

Pros of boyfriend being back:
-Someone to hold
-Someone to talk to
-Someone to spend time with
-Someone to comfort you
- Someone to make you laugh
-Someone to help push you forward
-Someone who will listen to you

It looks like that there is a lot of pros of having him back!  I'm glad that my boyfriend is back from Humboldt and is transferring to CSUN.   If he stayed another year up there, I would more and likely broke up with him.  He wasn't becoming a good person and someone that wasn't him.  A lot of trust issues that he caused. Over all him being back is what saved our relationship

Man and Dog

Women always joke about how dogs are better companions than men because they are better listeners, or they will not cheat on you.  The thing is that a man and a dog has one thing in common with each other, and that is they both will love you unconditionally.  Do not get me wrong that there are guys that are jerks and will use you, and the same goes for women.  If you find the right guy, he will love you for everything that you are.  Women are the ones that tend to over think in the relationship and I know that I'm guilty of it.

Once you find the right guy, he will love you to the ends of earth.  My boyfriend is good to me and sometimes I think he is too good for me.  He will take care of me and make sure that I'm happy and okay before taking care of himself.  I have never dated anyone that loved me so much like him, and I can tell that everything he says and do that it is true.  There is a few thing that he needs to learn and work on, but overall he does everything right and beyond.  He could say something that I took the wrong way and I'll be mad at him.  I scream at him and tell him to go away, and he will listen to me, tell me that he loves me, and he will leave the room.  The thing that he needs to work on is setting boundaries with other girls, and reassuring that nothing is going on with his gal pals.  When you don't do that and make up reason why, then it seems like something is going on, and you give your girl a reason why they shouldn't trust you.

As women, we over think everything; especially love.  We make relationships much more complex then we really should.  We are the ones with the trust issues and we get jealous, so we cause more problems then it really needed to be.  We are always questioning his moves, his motivates, and his feelings.  Women can not take what the man does for face value.  To be fare that there are some guys that aren't the niceset guys in the world, and once again this goes the same way for women as well.

Word of advice:  If you have someone that loves you unconditionally and so much that we should treat them a little better.  We should not let our guard down just in case if someone is trying to use you, but if they are truly a good person don't question why.  Make sure give your partner a reason why they should trust you.

High Horse

You remember the days of Jr. High and High school, and everything that made it awkward?  I remember those days.  I remember being up front about my feelings to the guys I had a crush on.  I would either tell them up front (if I was brave enough), but always ended up me giving them a note telling them that I like them.  But it always ended the same; them only liking me as a sister. 

After high school, I'm in a relationship for 4+ years with a guy that I truly love.  I will run into the guys that I crushed on in high school, and I'll try to have a conversation with them and make up for making them feel awkward.  

But what I got was them thinking that I still am in love with them.  Of course they don't think that I moved on and that I don't see them in that way.  They think that even though that I have a boyfriend that I still in love with them and that I'm still trying to get with them.  You're not that great of guys and honestly most of you are a bunch of tools.  I don't think that I'm perfect, but I'm a good person and if none of you can see that then I don't need you in my life if you can't be grateful for my friendship. I moved on and I'm with a guy that I truly care for and see myself being with for the rest of my life.

Word of Advice:  Don't mistake my offer of friendship with trying to be with you romantically. Get off your high horse.

Stop Bullying

I. Introduction

A. Image a ten year old boy with a Multiple Sclerosis and requires two walking canes to help him move, and because of it he gets bullied.  The child tells the teacher and his parents, and the bully gets punished.  The bully is upset and because of it and torments the boy more still torments the boy, and the boy ends up committing suicide by putting a plastic bag over his head and suffocates.  This is a true story and it isn’t the only one about children committing suicide, or attempt the deed.

B. Bullying in today’s society has become an epidemic and by educating everyone, specifically focusing on bullies, this would be a safer society.

C. I have my Associate of Science in Early Childhood Education,  I’m working on my Bachelor’s of Science in Child Development.  I work in the child center at college of  the canyons.  I was a victim of being bullied, and I’ve done extensive research on this subject.

 D. Today I’m going to be discussing with you that there is a problem with bullying, what  to look for in both bullies and victims, and the effective methods that are used to help both bullies and the victims.

II. Body
 
 A. There is a problem of people bullying others. (Show video of the different types)
  1. There is more than one type of bullying and it is easy to bully others.
            a. Physical is where another person beats up another person
                i. Example: A person goes up to another person and starts punching, hitting, and kicking.
            b. Verbal is name calling and joking at another person’s expense
                i. Example: Calling someone loser, or using demeaning names;  Jap, N word, fag
            c. Indirect is spreading rumors about another person, or exclude certain people from groups.
                i. Example: “Did you hear that Susie slept with Joey.  She is such a  slut.” 
            d. Cyber is bullying another person through text messages, facebook/emails. Which make                       bullying a lot easier to do
                i. Example: Threading someone, calling them demeaning names, spreading rumors about                      another person through emails, facebook messages, or text messages

        2. It has become a problem for both the bully and the victim.
            a. According to Englander and Muldowney, 2007 “42% of students surveyed reported make              they had been cyber-bullied via instant messaging.”
            b. Another survey by Englander and Muldowney, 2006-2008 “22% of the subjects admitted                  to cyber-bullying someone else, with 20% admitting to bullying during school hours.”
            c.  According to Claire L. Fox, The article, The social skills problems of victims of bullying:    Self, peer and teacher perceptions “A small number of studies have found that victims of school bullying tend to exhibit poor social skills.”

        3. Victims commit suicide from the result of being bullied.
            i. In the article Behavioral Disorders, Bullying and Students with Disabilities:  Legal and Practice Considerations, Feb 2012 by John W. Maag “In Davis v. Monroe County Board of Education (1999), the Supreme Court  established a litmus test to determine whether peeron-peer harassment       results in district liability. This case involved a girl who was sexually harassed. As a result, her grades plummeted and she contemplated suicide as school officials took no action despite being informed of the harassment.”
            ii.  The victims are usually the ones with a certain disabilities, and they tend to have depression and anxiety. This effects their self-esteem and how they see themselves and others, and how they function in school.
            iii. Ken Rigby in Suicide & Life-Threatening Behavior "that approximately 1 male in 6 and 1 female in 8 is bullied by peers on a  weekly basis." and later in the article he states " Those who repeatedly engage in this behavior (on a weekly basis) are relatively few, comprising about 8% of boys and 4% of girls."
           iv. On the website bullyingstatistics.org 2012 "Suicide continues to be one of the leading causes of death among children under the age of 14. Bullycide is a term used to describe suicide as the result of bullying.  New bullying statistics 2010 are reporting that there is a strong connection between bullying, being bullied and suicide, according to a new study from the Yale School of Medicine. Suicide rates are continuing to grow among adolescents, and have grown more than 50      percent in the past 30 years."  it also said " 56% witnesses a bullying crime at school and that 1 out of 10 students drop out, or changes schools because bullying."

  
Next I’m going to discuss with you,

    B. What to look for in both bullies and victims.
        1. Characteristics of a bully:
            i. Bully/Victim Problems Among Preschool Children: a Review of Current Research Evidence Sep 2011 Educational Psychology Review  By Maria Vlachou described a bully to be "“(1) it is an aggressive behavior of intentional ‘harmdoing’ (2) which is carried out repeatedly and over time         (3) in an interpersonal relationship characterized by an imbalance of  power” (Olweus and Limber 1999:31). He also added that “the bullying behavior often occurs without apparent  provocation,” and “negative  actions can be carried out by physical contact, by words, or in other ways, such as making faces or mean gestures, and intentional exclusion from a group” (Olweus1999: 11). Bullying may, therefore, take a variety of  forms including physical (i.e., hitting, kicking, or punching) and verbal      abuse (i.e., threatening, mocking, name-calling, or spreading malicious rumors), social isolation, and/or exclusion (Lagerspetz et al.1988)."
            ii. A bully may have some sort of problems like psychological problems, or family problems.  A bully also has low self-esteem themselves and will pick on others to make them feel better about themselves, and  this will make them think they are better than others and boost their moral.  In some cases, a bully may be jealous the victim, or they may have little to no respect for other people.  A bully may be annoyed with the victim in some way like; the way the victim looks or acts.  Peer Pressure is another reason why someone would bully another person, so they will impress other people, or to be accepted in social groups.  Lastly, people tend to bully other people because the bully is afraid that they maybe bullied themselves.

        2. Characteristics of the Victim.
            i. The victims will have low self-esteem, depression, poor grades, keep to themselves, helpless, and lonely.
            ii. "Victims perceive their families as characterized by high levels of cohesion (Bowers et al., 1992) and low scores on negotiation (Oliver et al., 1994; Rican et al., 1993). An association was found between victimization and ambivalent attachment relationships. Compared with a group of controls, victims of bullying reported that their fathers had more power than did their mothers. They perceived siblings as being slightly less powerful compared to themselves (Bowers et al., 1992).         Furthermore, it was found that victims perceive small differences on parental monitoring compared to control children, thus revealing a less accurate monitoring style (Bowers et al., 1994). Clear differences were found between boys and girls. For boys, it was found that victimization                   is associated with a negative relationship with the absent father in single-- parent families. Victimized girls reported more negativism and hostility (Rican et al., 1993) and a negative relationship with the mother (Rigby, 1993). It was found that the family encourages less autonomy in girls (Rican, 1993). " according to Stevens, V; De Bourdeaudhuij Journal of Youth and Adolescence (2002) in Relationship of the Family environment to children's involvement in bully/victim problems at school.


Next I’m going to share,

    C. The effective methods that are used to help both the bullies and the victims.
        1. Educating children from an early age.
            i. Children notice the difference at a early age, as young as 4 years old.
            ii. Example: Child notice another child has curly hair.  Child A “Your hair is funny looking.”  Child B seems upset by this comment.  An adult (parent, teacher) can do is to sit with both children and teach them that everyone is different and that is okay. This will help children find more          effective and less hurtful ways of pointing out differences.  This method is used at my work, and it has been successful.
            iii. Back to the article Bully/Victim Problems Among Preschool Children: a Review of Current Research Evidence Sep 2011, Educational Psychology Review By Maria Vlachou shares "Entering formal preschool education is a crucial developmental step in many children’s lives mainly because it is within this context where they participate, for the first time, as members in a stable peer group and well-organized team activities. Consequently, preschool may be the first context beyond the home environment where children’s difficulties in social interactions with peers can be primarily detected and assessed by adults and professionals. The early identification and elimination, therefore, of these problems at this young age prevent their escalation in later years and minimize their negative impact on children’s social and emotional development while foster their successful adaptation in     school."

        2. Getting Parents involved.
            i.  Parents are great allies and if both teachers and parents can work together help both the bullies and the victims. This can be a positive and a very effective.
            ii.  Having this repetition both in homes and schools will help the bully understand and get them to stop . 

        3. Talking it out with the bullies.
            i. Do not just punish the bully without communicating with them and letting know why they are being punished.    
            ii.  Don’t make the punishment or time out too long depending on the age and the development of the child.  If it is too long then the child will more and likely forget why they are being punish and they are going to feel angry because they got punished.
            iii. Give them warnings.  Example: If a child is hitting another child, go up to the child is doing the hitting and let them know that they need to stop, and if they don’t that a punishment will be enforced.
            vi. Communicate with them in a kind and loving tone.  Be approachable.
            v. Work and communicate with the parents of both sides.
            vi. Start helping children at a young age.  The younger you can help children the easier it is going to be for them to not bullying others.
           

III.  Conclusion

    A. I have just discussed with you that there is a problem, what to look for in both bullies and victims, and the effective methods that are used to help both bullies and the victims.

    B. Bullying in today’s society has become a n epidemic and by educating everyone, specifically focusing on bullies, this would be a safer society.

    C. Now that we know that there is a problem with bullying.  If we can get teachers and parents of both the bullies and the victims to work together we can help reduce the suicide rates and we might put an end to bullying.

The "rules" of the "game"

I know that I have a few post about relationships and the fun of it, but some people think that relationships go wrong because of an outside force that is making them do horrible things to end it.  An example:
"I feel as though my subconscious is determined to ruin me. In the past, there has only been one person, ONE person, who I legitimately liked as much as I let on. He absolutely destroyed me. And I mean, absolutely. There was a song I couldn't listen to without crying for over a year afterwards. I wish I was kidding. See, the thing is, while he had his faults it was mostly me who pushed him to destroy me. Ironic, isn't it? It was one of those breakups where you're left sitting on the floor amongst the shattered pieces of the relationship, wondering what the heck went wrong. Well, I figured out the things I did that I wasn't proud of, and didn't like. And I vowed, there amongst the wreckage, that I would never make those same mistakes again. After all, I knew better, didn't I?  Well, I've been out of practice. There has been a random stream of guys coming into and out of my life, most of which were simply convenience. I hardly got emotionally attached, (save for one exception, but I digress), and it was me who did the heart-breaking when I simply couldn't stand their flaws any longer (except in that one case). It sounds unbelievably harsh, yes, but that's what I did. I'm not trying to justify my actions, or make you understand, I'm just trying to get all of this screaming nonsense out of my head. Why? Because there is this guy. This wonderful guy, whom I only seem to like more the more I learn about him.  I made it 2 months without reverting to the tactics I swore I wouldn't employ again.
See, I have this nasty habit of trying to manipulate and orchestrate conversations. If I am not getting the level of affection I'm craving, I try to weasel it out. Usually, that involves me cranking up the dial on my own affection in an attempt to bait them. Well, it doesn't work on guys who are actually worth being with. Surprise, surprise. So you end up making them uncomfortable and making them take even more space. It's counter intuitive, really. Well, I did. Again. Then I forced into the awkward, "be careful with your heart" conversation, which is basically guy code for "You're freaking my junk out. If you're gonna be like this all the time then maybe I need to rethink this."

The thing is that if you know that you do this and you do it to a person that you "truly" care for; then shouldn't you try to make an effort to stop playing petty games?  If you are afraid to lose someone because of the games you play, so it seems like the logical answer to this problem is that you don't really care for them.  If you love someone then you won't play these games...you would try everything to show them that you are good enough for them.

Every crush I had on I was always up front about my feelings, and I did get hurt because they started to act like jerks because saying they don't like me back was too much work.  But I still didn't fall into the playing games until a guy notice me.  It paid off for me at the end because I was honest with one of my crushes in high school; two years after high school we hung out more and one day he asked me to be his.  I didn't play any games at all.  We were both up front with each other and we are both very happy for 4 years and still going strong!

Word of Advice:  Everyone is done playing games.  Just be up front about your feelings.  If you have a problem like the example then maybe you should try to work on it.

A little hope

The past week has been rough.  Monday, my mom was told that her company is selling to another one.  She has a job with this new company...but it's not set in stone.  The next day, my dad was told that his company was going out of business.  I'm not going to lie...IT SUCKS!!! 

A little hope...My mom still has a possible job with this new company.  My dad's boss is seeing that they can change Fox's mind of a show, or come up with a new show.  Hopefully this will work, but plan B for my dad is going to get his relater's licenses.  I hope the best for my parents.  I want things to be okay for them.  I want to move out and move on with my life, but not with my parents are out of a job.  I will do whatever it takes to help out as much as possible.

The one thing is for sure that I do not want to hear that my parents are not hard working because that is a huge fat lie!  My parents are the most hard working people on this planet and they put up with so much and went through a lot to get where they are now.  They never had things handed to them.  I will slap anyone who say other wise.  

For those who want to be me...Go ahead!  Have my life! I would love to have stuff handed to me. I learned the hardships of money at the age of 5, and that lead for me to stop asking for things around birthdays and Christmas.  My family doesn't have a lot of money, but they make do.  Do not think my life is perfect.  I work for my money and everything I have.  I paid for my school and still am.  I also paid for my brother's school and slowly working on saving up for a car.  I never asked for help or stuff.  I'm not saying my life is hard, but it is far from easy

Dance Journal #3

Ashley Gabriele        9/11/12

1. Technical Notes:  Today we learned the Cumbia (similar to the break away.  The feet don't come together and they stay hip apart.  The hands can be held and/or switch to having the hands on the lower back.)  We learned the very, very basic of the cha-cha (slow, slow, quick quick slow) what we learned was the feel goes forward/backwards and step with leading foot, step with off foot, then quick repeats and then together and then switch foot.  We also learned the the cross body (do the break steps and on the third break step, leads pull their partner to the other side and repeats to have the partner end at their original spot.    I also learn a proper way to go from a spin then into a dip (Spin, go out and spin inward to your partner and hook your arm around them and trust that they don't let you fall)

2. Personal Growth:  It is starting to get easier for me to step back and not be a leader and be a follower.  I also learned how I can still help my partner if they don't know how to lead, and I can still guide them.  Though it is really hard when some of the leaders don't put an effort into the dance, or just complain about it...it kind sucks the energy right out.  I'm learning and getting the steps much quickly!

Dance Journal #2

1. Technical Notes:  Today we learned some basic salsa moves.  First we learned the break step (our feet in a V shape together and we step forward/backward with one foot and bend slightly lift the other foot off the floor, hips sway to the opposite from from starting foot.)  We learned the basic (big step, small step, big step forward/back, right/left foot).  We learned the salsa sides (move one foot to the side and place together).  We learned the two different ways to dance with another person which are the shine (no holding hands but both party holds there hands out, but space enough apart.  Lead's hands are facing down, follower's hands are up) and the hand holding (lead's hands are turn up, and the follower hands takes their hand.)  We learned etiquette when asking or being ask to dance. 

2. Personal Growth:  When reviewing the steps last week, they seemed much easier to do and I was able to add some flare to the steps.  The steps we've learned tonight were a little tricky and getting my hips to work the way I want them.  I'm need to think less when dancing and trust my partner to lead and not take over.  I have to learn to be comfortable dancing with other people and not just my boyfriend (who I'm very comfortable dancing with).

Dance Journal #1

In my dance class we need to do a journal entry for each class meeting. And I have to post it on blackboard, so I figure I would post it here as well...to make use of this blog...


1. Technical Notes: What we learned last week (8/28/12) were the basic steps for dancing in general.  We had to learn how to mirror another person to be in sync with them.  We learned the difference between the steps (We go forward right, left, right, together) and (back left, right, left, together), and the rock steps (go forward/back on foot *left/right* and left the opposite foot, then step and bring together).  We learned the the side step, it speaks for it self ( Step right, together, right, together. Then left together, left together).  The last thing we've learned was the triple steps (step forward/backwards right, slightly pass with the left, and step with the right).

2. Personal Growth: I found that the side steps were easier and I could add more flavor to them for the next time doing the side steps.  The ones that I found challenging were the triple steps (and doing with music of faster speeds).  I also found what was difficult is getting into with the beat.  I found when I'm thinking too much, I tend to make more mistakes and I would go back to fix them.  Where as when I was just dancing and just getting into the dance I either don't notice my mistakes, or I don't make as much mistakes and I just keep going forward with the dance.

Fairness...

I know this will be my 3rd post for today, but I need to share this, or I'm going to cry.

My brother left work about 5:30 and wanted to hang out with a friend of his after work.  But he doesn't have any money.  I was waiting to hang out with Chris when he got off of work (at 6:30).  My dad asked if I could swing by to give him the money.  I said yes.  So I got the money to James and I told him that I have my phone on me and to call.   After walking around the mall, Chris and I decided to go home...I haven't heard from James.

I got home and my dad asked where is James.  I told him that I didn't hear from him and that he made it sound like he got a ride home.  My dad yelled at me because I should have called him.  I got mad at him and told him that I'm not responsible for James.  I left to my room and stayed.  I've over heard my dad yelling to my mom that I don't help out and I don't do anything.  I've paid over $1,000 for class for both me and my brother.  When I do have the money I give more than what they are asking for.  I even give money to help out that is not part of my rent.  I never see it again, nor do I ask for it back.  

I'm so done with this.  I'm  sick of being treated like crap by my family...they don't try to help me out to pay for whatever...but damn sure they do it if James asked them....I know life is unfair, but this is ridiculous...

4 Years at the Center

Four years ago, I was taking a summer class...ECE 125.  I was waiting for my class to start and we were in our last week before the summer ends, and another two weeks for the fall to start.  The infant/toddler director, Wendy, was walking by and started talking to me.  I told her that I was finding a job and that I applied there twice.  She found my app and asked if I would like an interview tomorrow.  Of course I said yes. 

My interview went well.  I was hoping that I would work with the older kids because I figure that they would be more independent and that I would have to take the infant/toddler class if I work with the infant/toddler rooms.  I was already taking 12 units, but I was willing to do anything to get the job.  At the end of my interview I was told that I was to go to get my back round check and finger prints done.  Once everything cleared I would get a phone call.

After doing this, I got a phone called from the center that I would be working with Amanda in the orange room with the toddlers.  That means that I need to take the infant/toddler class...on top of my other 12 units. 

I've been there for four years now and I've done a lot to get where I am and to keep growing more. 
I've got a job at the center
I've got my A.S. in ECE
I'm waiting on my Master Teacher Permit
I'm working on my B.S. in Child development

I'm lucky and grateful that I was given a chance to work at a wonderful place and helping me grow into something great!

The final say!

I've got the final say into a battle of words with horrible person.  She was bad mouthing my boyfriend and so I put the final letter and I didn't get an answer back.  I've won this battle and I can say good bye to the trash.  Here is what ended it:

"The reason why Chris doesn't want to be your friend anymore is because he is sick of your bullshit. He is sick of you trying to act like you are his girlfriend when he already has one. He is sick of you mooching off of him. He sick of you using guys (especially Ben). You treat your friends like crap. You are not a very good person. You are not a decent human being because you don't respect people, or their relationships. They reason why he asked me to do this for him is because he can't stand you. He is more man then you give him credit. He was trying to be nice and not have to tell you all this, but because you are being a little bitch about it. If you act like a kind and decent human...maybe he would tell you himself, but because you are not then you are not worth his time or energy...you are not worth it! You are selfish, spoiled, a slut, a homewrecker, fake, wannabe, and most of all a hypocrite. I hope you have a very nice life and maybe this will help you start treating people a little better."

She didn't answer back.  If all these things aren't true then you would stand up for yourself.  But because you don't answer back prove that you have no rebuttal to the facts!

Word of Advice:  Don't let people talk down to you or your loved ones.  If they do, then take charge and stand up for yourself or your loved ones.  

Gay marriages

Okay! I'm done with these facebook status going back and forward about gay people. I try not to get involved, but here is how I view this whole thing:

Those who are against gay marriages: You have the right to believe w. hat you do believe. If you don't agree or like gay marriages...that is your right and no one should take that away from you. But do not bash on gays and bring in the bible to support lies. Yes it does say marriages is between a man and a woman, but it doesn't say hate gay people. I met a gay man who is also a heavy duty Christian (Training to be a minister and his father is a minister). The main character in the bible (Jesus) didn't say a word about being gay is wrong!

Those who are for gay marriages: I agree that we should have it and make everyone equal. Some (not all) are starting to get to the point of heterphobia and grouping every straight person as a bigot. Because a few jerks acts a certain way doesn't speak for the rest of the group. Also not pushing people like the idea....We need to be tolerant with each other. If some straight people don't like it, and it is okay for them to feel that.

My view: Church and State needs to be separate! Allow gay marriages, but don't force churches to have it. People can get married by a judge and that is good. If you want to be married in a church...make a new church, or religion. That's what king Henry did, so he could get a divorce. Plus we have this thing called the first amendment (Freedom of religion).

Ballroom Dancing

My boyfriend and I are taking ballroom dancing together, here are some questions that I had to answer for my class.  First quiz of the Fall =)



1.  Briefly discuss your dance training.

I have little dance training.  I took a dance class last spring that covered the basics of Jazz dancing, modern dancing, and ballet. 

2. Why are you enrolled in this class?

I’ve always loved dancing. I’ve always wanted to try dancing after watching dancing with the stars.  I also want to learn the right ways of dancing.  I’m very clumsy and I want to dance with my boyfriend with out stepping on his feet.

3. How do you think this class will help you in the future?

I’m planning to marry my boyfriend and I want us to be able to dance together and making it look amazing.  I’ve always loved dancing and I might as well learn it the right way.

4. Briefly discuss one limitation that you are aware of in your current dance training and you may begin to start to overcome that limitation.

The only thing that I would say is that I’m very clumsy and I have two left feet.  But there isn’t anything that will hold me back from trying my hardest.

5.  What is your main goal for the Semester?

My goal is to be able to dance well and lose some weight

6. Are you working with any injuries or conditions that may require modifications during your dance training?

I have no injuries or conditions that need to be modifications

Goodbye to bad rubbish

This one chick doesn't get the hint that my boyfriend is ignoring her.  She is desperately trying to get in contact with him and she is too stupid to get the freaking clue.  My boyfriend doesn't like being mean to people and he tries to avoid conflict as much as possible.  So, last night I sent her a message telling her to leave him alone and that he really doesn't want anything to do with you.  This was her response:

"Whatever.
If he isn't enough of a man to tell me himself why all of a sudden we aren't friends anymore, then good riddance."

The answer is that you don't respect other people's spaces, you mooch off of everyone, and you are a freaking homewrecker.  DUH!  


Just because you can't keep your legs close and another notch of your belt respects his girlfriend and doesn't want to touch you with a 10 foot pole doesn't mean he isn't a man.  You took advantage of his good nature and he is trying to be a the good guy, but he still gets annoyed with you.  So please, stop being a bitch and move on with your life...you might  be slightly happy...

P.S.  If you stop being so full of yourself, you might find a guy that might tolerate your bullshit a little longer. 

You'll Find Love, But Don't Take mine

My boyfriend and I had a huge fight back in May about the things he has done up at Humboldt.  I found out that he broke his promise to me by hanging out with the girls that shall remain nameless behind my back.  He told me that he wouldn't talk to them, let alone hang out with them.  He didn't just lied to me, but also breaking his promise to me.  Later in that conversation that he said that he was wrapped around their fingers and bend over backwards for them.  I was so hurt because I can't get him to do much for me, not even see a scary movie with me.  So I told him that I can't stand for him lying to me and breaking promises and treating other girls better than he does me.  So I told him that I was leaving him because that what he was doing isn't fair to me.  He stopped me and told me that he would cut them off, and said that he would be fine without them, and that he needed me.  So I gave him a day to keep his word to me and he did so.  Now one of them that I know is trying *desperately* get back in his life. So he just ignores her.

Every once in awhile I see her post something that relates to boy problems...maybe because she would end up cheating on them, or gets tried of them quickly.  I sent her a message a while ago saying that "don't worry.  You don't look for love, it will find you." or something like that.  She seems really friendly, but only to learn that she was being nice just so she can get close to my boyfriend.    And now everything I like she is liking as well.  She is using my name.  It's B.S.  But I guess I should be flatter that she wants to be me.

A word of advice is that don't go looking for love because you'll never find it.  And don't take someone's happiness because you want them for a week.  And trying being yourself...Because if you do go into a relationship, it will last longer if they know the real you and the person that you pretend to be.  You want them to fall in love with you...not me

Hypocrisy

A few post ago I posted something about relationships and the single life and what not...well I saw a post that said: "Don t you just hate it when you see other people always constantly talk about how much they love there gf or bf and your like. Ya that's awesome im happy for you but in you head your like "thanks for reminding me im fucking single asshole" haha"  Once again I have to do a little rant about it.  This guy that posted that as his status use to be a great guy.  But over a year ago, his girlfriend broke up with him after she left for college.  He was jealous and would threaten every guy that would stare at her direction.  Ever since they broke up he went down hill, drinking, smoking pot, and hanging out with the wrong crowds.  He became, pardon my french, an ass!


This post isn't about picking on him, but the fact that he is the type of person that would do the same thing if he was in a relationship with someone.  But because he is not in a relationship, so he goes on and picks the ones that are.   I will agree that there are some people out there that would post something like "OMG!  I've been with my boyfriend for 10 seconds."  or something like that, or they just post something just to get approval from friends.  But there are some people that do post not to hope that their love one does read it or their friends, but to share there happy feelings.  It's a matter of stepping back and looking at the big picture and the type of person that is posting.

And if it your "so called friends" that are doing the posting.  Instead of getting jealous of them...should you be happy for them and not talking smack about them?   It is okay if you get jealous of a friend...we all went down that road....but you shouldn't treat them like dirt. 


I guess my advice would be.. .If you don't like a post, don't read it.  And if it is bugging you so much then don't be friends with people that are in relationships.  And if you are going to post something on facebook about how it bugs you so much...take a step back and look at yourself before point any fingers.  Because if you are just as bad as the people you claim that are doing such things...then don't complain. 

A diverse world

Hello everyone!  I know that I haven't been on awhile and I really haven't had much to talk about.  I've also been very busy working on upgrading my permit by taking more ECE classes and I'm going to be starting on working on getting my B.S degree.   I'm so excited!  One of the classes I took is ECE 165: teaching children about a diverse community.  In this class, we didn't just learned about being tolerant towards others, but to also to look at ourselves and open up.  One class meeting we had a group to come in and talk to the class.  GLIDE is the name of the group, and it is a gay support groups. 

One of the speakers there is a minister and very heavy in his religion but at the end he comes out to being gay.  At first he thought that he had to give up his religion because he was gay.  After a few years of opening up, he talked to his father (also a minister) said that there is nothing in the bible to say that being gay is wrong and to hate them for it. He started a branch of the church for people who are gay to  come in and pray.  He said that it is important to be yourself and opening up.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I understand for people not agreeing with homosexuality and that is okay to not agree with it.  Everyone does have the right to believe what they want to believe, but to go around and saying that these people need to die because you don't like is wrong.  Sometimes we forget what our founding fathers were trying to get across that this is the land of the free and the fact that we do need to respect all religions, race, genders, sexual orientation, abilities, social class, ect.  Especially for those who want to work in a field with children and wanting to make a difference. 

We need to put aside personal feelings and do what is right.  We have the power to change this world and to grow into something that can be great, but we need to understand that we are the ones that are giving the tools and guide them.  Lets guide the children in a positive way and make a world a better place!

Eating Hot wings

Boys eating fire!

Happy Valentine's day!

I agree that there shouldn't be one day to celebrate the love you have if you are a couple.  If you are single and want to call it single awareness day then by all means go ahead!  But what ticks me off a bit is where people who are single throw either a pity party because they feel they need to have someone to just celebrate a commercial holiday.  But what I don't like is that when single people are picking on couples because they love each other.  I agree that you should love your partner every day and not just once a year, but that isn't okay to make couples feel bad because you are alone. 

One post that made me wrote this said this: "Thank you to all the lovely couples out there reminding me today that I don't have a special someone in my life...happy single awareness day!"  I'm sorry that ever couple has to stop being a couple because you are to busy focusing on why you don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend to do stuff with. They are the same that if they see two people showing a little PDA that they make quotes like "Get a room!"  and they say it with disgust.  If it bugs you so much then don't look!

I know they're couples out there that go a little far with a PDA and that isn't okay!  And for the single people who don't make a big deal about it, I say thank you!  You aren't being big cry babies about it.  Like I've told people before;  It is nice to have someone, but it isn't the end of the world if you don't have anyone!

And to those who make a big deal on not having a special someone, or bagging on couples because you are jealous I have one thing to say and ask of you:

1) Please stop teasing and making fun of couples!  Just because you are jealous of others doesn't make it okay to be a jerk about it!

2) My Advise for those who are so desperate to find someone:  Stop acting like you are God's gift to everyone.  Stop the pity me game.  It is a big turn off and it makes everyone not want to be around you (either relationships or friendship).

Thank you!

Brain Vs. Heart

Lately I've been feeling out of sorts and I don't know why.  I love my boyfriend very, very much, but I still feel unhappy.  When we hang out, I'm happy and I have fun with him, but when we are apart...I feel like crying.  I'm not sure why...is it because I'm not happy with him, or is it that I'm not happy without him...I don't know.

Before I wasn't happy with him because I thought he was lying to me.  I thought he was cheating on me with this one girl.  He almost cheated on me with another girl his first year up at Humboldt.  After that I didn't believe that he loved me...I didn't trust him...He says he loves me, but I feel like that he I'm his ticket out.

I don't know what to do, who to believe...Part of me feels that I'm not for him that he needs better.  Some of the things he jokes with me...I feel like he doesn't want to be with me like he is finding away out of the relationship.  Part of me feels like breaking up with him is the right thing to do...but part of me loves him and wants to be with him.

The part of me that wants to be with him can see myself marrying him, having kids with him.  He makes me laugh.  He tells me that he loves me and that he means it.  He tells me that I'm beautiful and he does try to make me feel good about myself.  He said that he would treat me like a queen and that he can see a future with me.  We have so much in common and we do have a good time together.

But the part of me that feels like breaking up is the best thing to do because no matter what happens now and what he says...I'm still hurt from the night of him almost cheating on me.  And the words he said about him being with other girls if he wasn't with me. I feel that he isn't serious with me and I still feel hurt and pain with some of the memories.  And despite that he hasn't cheated on me...he did lied to me.  He told me he never talk to the girl that I felt like he was cheated on me and then tells me that here and there he does talk to her.  I'm never sure with him.

He changed so much that I don't even know who he is anymore.  The way he talks and acts isn't him anymore.  It seems he tries to be someone that he isn't.  The person he is trying to be is kind of a playboy and tries to get with whatever girl he can.  I feel that he is going to be like that...if he hasn't been like that already.  That he doesn't need me anymore and want to be with every girl that he kind of likes, or likes him.  Soon I feel he will start to see that I'm not enough, or good enough for him.

I don't know how to feel anymore, what to do...

Relationship Status

I saw someone post a picture that states "Single is not a status.  It's a word that best describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others."  I'm not going to lie that it made me offended.  I'm in a relationship with a wonderful person and I'm very happy with him!  I'm not saying everyone needs to find someone and get in a relationship now, but I feel like it is saying that I need my boyfriend to be happy and enjoy life.  Not everyone wants to be in a relationship, or ready to be in one.

Those who are single aren't losers...they just haven't found the right person for them, or that they are not the types that want to have a relationship.  But they aren't better people than the ones that are in a relationship because they can live life without "depending" on others.  Plus that isn't true...what about friends and family?  I think people tend to rely on them as well as a lover if they had one.  Relationships aren't for everyone...and they are people who are in a relationship that shouldn't really be in one for their own good.

Those who are in a relationships aren't better than those who aren't in one.   Not everyone that is in a relationship isn't some weak person that can't be happy without having a boyfriend/girlfriend.  Yes, I will agree that they are people out there that are in relationships, or want one because they aren't happy with who they are.   Like I said before, I have a boyfriend that I'm very happy with...but it isn't the end all be all.  I know that I will be okay without having him next to me 24/7.  And if we did break up...I know that I will be okay and that life goes on.  Relationships are great, but they aren't everything.  If you can't take care of yourself then how do you expect to take care of another person.

I know a couple that is getting married, but they shouldn't because one the guy is trying to prove something and he is only getting what he thinks is the best he can do, and she is marrying him because she doesn't want die alone and she is cheating on him with many guys.


I guess what I'm saying is that relationships aren't everything and that you need to be happy with yourself.  But I disagree with the quote because it sounds like everyone that is in a relationship needs people to be happy. 

Jealousy is ugly (a public apology)

These past few days; I've realized that I've been super jealous for something that I shouldn't be.  Last year during the fall my boyfriend is friend with this one girl and I've been super jealous about their time together because I thought that she was trying to get with him.  He told me that there isn't anything going on, but I've been really mean towards him.  I've talked to a couple of people  who knows him and they tell me that there isn't anything to worry about because he loves me and most of the time he gets real aggravated by her and all the drama that she brings.  Also that if she did had a thing for him that it would only last a little while because she has a flavor of the month (meaning that she has so many crushes every other week). But I still was angry with him and I didn't trust him, and it is wrong of me to be like that because he was open about it and didn't lie about it.

I'm sorry to my boyfriend for being upset with you and accusing you for things without hearing out the whole story.  If this girl did had a crush on you there wouldn't been anything for you to do...I didn't trust you and it was wrong.

I'm sorry to this girl for accusing you for things that I didn't know much about.  I was uncomfortable on how close you were with my boyfriend.  But it gave me no right for taking out my insecurities out on you.  I should get to know the person you are and not just listen to what people think of you.

You don't have to forgive me, but I want to let you know that I'm truly sorry.  It is hard for me to to admit that I was wrong...but I was.

Mice Battle!

An epic battle between mice!

Making the best of it

So far 2012 haven't been started off on a good start.  One of my best friends' cousin's lost their father in law to an accident.  Then my boyfriend isn't allowed back to school for a year, and his parents are being...blah... 2012 doesn't seem to be a good year, but it's life and we need to move on.  We learn from the bad things that happen and try to make them better.

Example: My boyfriend is going to take that year off to figure his life out.  He is trying to find a job and I hope he finds something good!  He is taking a few classes at CoC that he needs and save up until he can go back to Humboldt.  So I'm going to do my best to support him and help him along the way.

As long as we have each other and a few good friends that it will make things a little easier.  I'm sad that things are happening the way they are, but I'm going to try to make things work and so is my boyfriend.

Life is hard and sometimes it throws us hard balls, but it is what we do that will make or break us.  No one said it isn't going to easy, but that it will be worth it at the end.

2012

We are no longer in 2011 and now on to 2012!  You know that this mean?  New year goals that usually never happen!  But this year I am making reasonable goals for myself!


I'm going to lose 5 to 15 pounds before the end of the year!  And I'm taking a dance class at CoC this spring, I think it will help me reach my goal.  This class will teach me the basics to ballet, modern, and jazz dancing.

Another goal is to get my master teacher permit.  I got my degree last spring in ECE, but I'm shy of 8 units on getting my permit.  So this spring I'm taking 3 classes and apply for my master teacher stuff at the end of the semester!  I'm excited =)

I'm going to be more patience with everyone around me, mainly with my boyfriend.  I'm going to try not to jump the gun without hearing the full story!

The end or not, I'm making 2012 a good year!