Facebook Friends

Two post ago, I wrote about the friends on facebook and that I met each person in person at least once in my life time.  Everyone knows how many friends on facebook or myspace (if anyone still uses it) even though one claims that they don't know or care that they have 523 friends.  But when one person decides that they want nothing to do with you and they delete you from their friends list.  When you log on to your social media site and you see the number of friends went down my one, so that 523 is now a 522, you know that someone got rid of you.

Most people think it is silly to be upset by this, but people are upset by this.  A few times I meet a new person and be friends them and I add them to the facebook friends list, the another one leaves.  And I have been the one to delete people off the friends list.  I can tell you from both points of view:

The one that has been deleted:
At first you start to wonder who was the one that deleted you.  Even though you may never have interacted with this person, you still feel hurt that they just up and vanish with out talking you.  But also keep in mind that: Did I talk to this person? Do I even know this person? 
But I think what hurts the most is that we like to know why.  We want to know why are you taking us off, is it something we did, did we grow apart?  We like closure when things come to an end.

The one that did the deleting:
When you delete someone from a friends list, it is usually that you either grown apart with them, they did something to really make you mad, or do I even know this person?  When we delete someone, we don't really think much on that it could effect that person we took off the list.  Even when their is logical reasons of why. We also don't think of bring closure to ending a "friendship" because it does make it harder for ending it.  It really depends on the reason why one would delete another person.

Today I found that a person took me off their friends list and it did suck a little because I was wondering who took me off and why they did it.  But then I realize the friends that I do talk to and that really do hang out with is still their, so it doesn't matter because it was probably a person that really don't communicate with.  If I knew who it was, I would be wondering why do I have them on facebook.  
 


Word of Advice:
I'm not going to lie, it does suck when people don't want to be friends with you.  Even though we are adults and we shouldn't be effected by this, but we cannot help it.  It is how we handle the situation

Lab Students Fall of 2013

As most of you that do follow my blog know that I work at a daycare center at the community college.  When people take ECE classes, they can take ECE Lab and they can observe child, teachers, and parent interactions in a classroom setting.  Most of the lab students that we had in my room in the pass were really nice and helpful and actually interacting with the children.  Of course there was a few lab students that were to scared to get their expensive clothes painted on, but all of them were really sweet.  This year is my first year after in three years that I'm in the afternoons again.  I don't get to meet most of the lab students that help out in the classroom. 

When I walk in to my room early to start setting up for the afternoon, every lab student their gives me this death glare.  They would give me a look of "why are you doing hear and why are you hugging my kids"  Even when the master teacher would tell them that I am the lead afternoon teacher and that I have worked with majority of the kids last year; because I did worked in the mornings  before this promotion.  A few of the lab students are sweet, but they get wrapped up with a child and you can tell that they already have a favorite.  This also leads with them just working with that child and doing things that we would not do at work.  I told my master teacher that and she just kept giving me the dirtiest look anyone could give me because I told the master teacher what she was doing. A few of them I will try to talk to and be friendly, but will give this answer with an attitude.  

I don't know what is up with lab students this semester, but they need to stop acting like that they are running the class room and treat actual teachers like they are scum of the planet. 

Word of Advice:
Be respectful to everyone in the building because it isn't just classroom and children stuff that you are learning, it is also teaching you how to work with a staff

From one end of California to another-the people in between

Back of the days of myspace and when facebook started out, everyone tried to be friends with many people as one can.  Even though a lot of people have never met most of their friends they had on their friends list, the goal was to break at least 500.  I realized that now I have 305 friends on facebook, but am I bragging about it??? No!

I went through all of my friends list and wondering: Do I even know half of these people?  The people that I have on here are ones that I went to school with, my family that I don't get to see, the ones that I work with (both from Wal-mart and the center), people that I met at COC,  the ones that I met through Chris up at Humboldt, and a couple that I met at a concert.  I know and met all 305 people and I can say that I have met each person at least once in person. 

Do I talk to everyone?  Of course not!  The only ones that I do talk to are my close friends and the people that I currently work with.  One would say "Why don't you just delete the other people if you don't talk to them at all?"  The reason is that I use to know these people and it is nice to see how they are doing and how their lives are playing for them.  It is nice to know that they are safe,having a good life.

What am I trying to get at?
I guess it is interesting on how many people you meet, how you met them, and what kind of memory you hold for them

A beautiful sadness

Overview:
This is a clip from South Park when Stan's heart was broken when Wendy broke up with him and she starts seeing Token.  Stan's friends try to make him feel better by taking to him what is basically a Hooters.  Stan is still heartbroken over Wendy.  Stan starts hanging out with the goth kids and because just a whinny brat because it didn't work out with one Wendy.  The girls that work at this restaurant flirts with the boys and Butters falls in love with one of the girls, and he doesn't realize that she was doing that so he would tip more money.  Butters buys her gifts and starts stalking her.  Towards the end, Butters realized that the girl he was stalking was not his girlfriend and that she really didn't like him.  He was hurt and he was left crying at the side of the road in the rain.  Then Stan and the other goth kids finds Butters and they try to get him to join with the group. Butters turns them down because he loves life to be in a group that was always complaining and hating life.  Stan was confused by this because Butters got his heart ripped out.  Butters simply explains that even though he is sad about the break up, but that still makes him happy because that there was something that made him so happy at one point and when it was taken away that it made him sad about it.  Butters continues that with that going on that it makes him feel alive, that it makes him feel human.  It is what he calls a beautiful sadness.


Why is it worth sharing?
I thought about how I feel when I am sad and at the moment of sadness that I just want it to go away and I don't care how. But when I see this picture above, it makes since what Butters meant and that I do feel alive because I have all these emotions and I'm able to express them.  I see posts on facebook and hear how people talk about how horrible life is because they are lacking something in their lives (mostly not being able to have a girlfriend/boyfriend) and that they do everything in their power to keep themselves from ever being happy.  And because they are not happy, these people will complain how they are unhappy and that there is nothing that will ever make them happy.  Outsiders will try to help them and cheer them up, and it will work a total of ten minutes and they are back to being depressed.  After reading that picture, it made me realized that we forget that even though we are sad, but that just means that there was something that made us really happy and that we are alive to feel such heartbreak and that we are human. 


Word of Advice:
I would never think that South Park gave a good advice, but they did.  Overall we need to remember that it is okay to feel sad but just know that we will be okay.  We need to work through it and not push everyone who is trying to help us up.

My life in music

I saw this and I wanted to see how my life sound track would be...

How am I feeling today? Masters of the World (Sabaton)
How do my friends see me? The Siren (Nightwish)
What is the story of my life? Stand (Rascal Flatts)
What song describes my mom? Reflection (Mulan)
What song describes my dad? God Love Her (Toby Keith)
What song describes my significant other? Here Without You (3 doors down)
What song describes my ex?  Whoever brings the night (Nightwish)
To describe my grandparents? Return to the Sea (Nightwish)
How is my life going?  Christmas/Sarajevo 12/24 (Trans-siberian Orchestra)
What song will they play at my funeral? Love is a Battlefield (Pat Benatar) *I'm okay with this
How does the world see me? Six (All that Remains)
Will I have a happy life? Wizards in Winter (TSO)
What do my friends really think of me? Your Hand in Mine (Explosions in the Sky)
What is some good advice for me? Ticket to Heaven (3 Doors Down)
How will i be remembered? Stray Cat Strut (Stray Cat Strut)
What is my current theme song? Through the Fire and Flames (Dragonforce) *OH DEAR GOD MY FINGERS*

LIFE STORY:
Opening Credits: Touch the Sky (Brave)
Waking Up: Eden (Sarah Brightman)
First Day At School: Steal Away (Celtic Thunder)
Falling In Love: Enter Sandman (Metallica)
Fight Song: Don't Stop Me Now (Queen) *I'm laughing at this*
Breaking Up: Can't get my head around you (Offspring)
Prom: Be Like That (3 doors down)
Life's OK:  Elvenpath (Nightwish)
Mental Breakdown: Stargazers (Nightwish)
Driving: The Riddler (Nightwish)
Flashback: Sahara (Nightwish)
Getting Back Together: I'm Not Over (Carolina Burning)
Wedding: Circle of Life (Lion King)
Birth of Child: Deliver Me (Sarah Brightman) BWHAHAHAHAHA
Final Battle: Last of the Wilds (Nightwish)
Death Scene: Lappin, Part 2: Witchdrums (Nightwish)
Funeral Song: Celtic Carol (Lindsey Striling)
End Credits:Stalingrad  (Sabaton)

Leadership

It has been one month since I started back to work after being off for three months during summer vacation.  I have been working at the center for five years and started my first year as a lead teacher in the afternoons.  I co-teach with another teacher in the afternoons, so there is four of us total that work together; two lead teachers and two assistant teachers.  We seem to have a system to make the our classroom run smooth and it is working for us so far.  

Last Friday, one of the assistant teacher brought up a concern with another assistant teacher was doing.  I could have easily went to that teacher and talk to her about the concerns that were brought up.  But I figure that we would have a meeting, so no one would feel attack.  I talk to my Master Teacher about it and she agree that would have been the best thing to do.

Today we had our meeting once we got the children down for nap.  We talked about how that we need to focus on all the children and not just the ones that we favor.  We also talked about snack and that once it is done, it is done.  We discuss what we can do for a solution for the ones that wait last minute for snack.

I realized that after this meeting that I had with my staff, that I'm not just watching and observing with child, but also with adults.  I am doing everything as a master teacher with a few exceptions.  I didn't realize how much more responsibility placed on me.  In the past of everyday that I worked.  I always try to go for a supervisor position.  Back Wal-mart, I tried to be one because I was already doing the work of one, so might as well get the pay of one.  Because of the comment that it was "not woman's work" and not working with my school scheduled, so I left.

When I started working at the daycare center five years ago, I just focus on working with children.  I grew to wanting to plan activities for a classroom, and that lead to taking on more responsibilities.  This past summer I was interviewed for the master teacher position, but did not get it.  I'm glad that I didn't because the one that they did pick is a good choice.  But I did not walk away empty handed, and I was given the lead.  I took this opportunity and I'm running with it.

If I look back a few years ago when I was in high school, I can easily can say that I had nothing that makes a good leader.  When I graduated, I learn more about myself and that I realized that I was never a follower and how controlling I really am.  Taking on this position as an afternoon lead is bring new challenges that I need to help me grow more.  It also helps me work on excellent leadership skills and how to work with other adults.


Word of Advice:
 Sometimes new challenges can be overwhelming and rewarding at the same time!

What is a price of a mile?

And as the the night falls the general calls
And the battle carries on and on
What is the purpose of it all?
What’s the price of a mile?

Thousands of feet march to the beat
It’s an army on the march
Long way from home
Paying the price in young mens lives

12 years later as of tomorrow and poor men and women lying their lives to protect ours.  It is time to come home

Word of Advice:

What is a price of a mile? 

Frankenstein's Monster

In my English class, we are reading Mary Shelly's Frankenstein.  Part of our homework is to write up a journal entry of what we read.  So far we only had to write up two, so in the second entry I wrote about the part that we ended in our reading.  The part that I wrote about is the creature was sharing his story, his observations, and his feelings to his creator.  We find out that the monster is lonely and it made me realize that we have at one point felt what the creature was feeling.  We are a creature trying to find a friend and we get treated if we are a monster.

Growing up in Burbank, I really didn't have a friend in the world.  I would have some people say that were my friends, but leaving because someone would tell them not to be my friend, or they were a loser if they were.  I would also have friends that would be friend me, but only to tell my other friends to leave me.  It sucks in you were in elementary school. I would get called a flea or other horrible names.  No one would help me and told me that I was the one with the problem and that I need to grow thicker skin.  I was the one that needed to change. At a young age that this message was for me that I was the one with a problem, and that it was okay for what the other children were doing.  The only thing that I wanted was a friend and to stand by my side through good and bad.  Someone to pull me up when I'm down, and not care the lies and rumors that the other children would say.  That is all that I really wanted as a kid...no toys, games, or any of that...I wanted a friend.

When reading Frankenstein, it was easy to get mad at the monster because he killed a young child and framed an innocent girl.  But once you read to the part that he is telling his story only to find out that he was lonely, and he had no one; no family, no friends, no lover.  You start to feel for the creature and realize that at one point that you feel like him. 

I shared my story.  At a young age I was tormented throughout elementary school and I had no one on my side. 

Word of Wisdom:
Who is the true monster, the ones that looks different from everyone, or the ones that treats another human being like crap without any reason?

Making the best of it

First I want to apologize for my grammar and spelling from a couple of my last post.  It is very hard to type on a 7" tablet.   That is why I haven't really been posting anything new...also there isn't really anything new for me to post.

So here is the update:
My boyfriend finally got into a new college that isn't Humboldt.  He is now going to California State University of Bakersfield for this coming year, and hopefully he can get into California State University of Northridge for a year and to finish up and get his degree.

I'm postponing the university center because I cannot afford to go, so I'm working on the last four general education classes and then transfer to an university.  I also want to take the year to save up for a car, or get the one my dad has repaired.  I'm going to make this happen!!!!

I started back at work last week, and started my new position as lead teacher in the afternoons.  I'm a little sad that I didn't get the master teacher position, but I'm glad that they gave it to someone that is wonderful and she is great!   I get to co teach with the lead in the green room and everything seems to be working out so far!  This is a step up from when I started and it will be 5 years that I have been working at the center as of tomorrow!

Since I am now working in the afternoons, this opens up my mornings for many things.  So I figure that I can work on my homework (I'm only taking two classes, and it is nothing but readings and papers).  I also decided that I'm going to take advantage of the track not being use, but also open.  In the mornings I'll go to the track and run five laps, and then changed into normal clothes and working on homework. I'll do this until I go into work at 12.

I'll also do some babysitting on the weekends and after work to make so extra cash.  So I am nice and busy! I will visit Chris up at Bakersfield during the weekends when we are free to do so!

I'm keeping myself nice and busy and making the best of it!



Word of Advice:
Times flies when you are having fun (or very busy!)

Hearts realization

When I was 18 I was working at a Wal-Mart, started college, and getting my life together.  That was I met the first guy that I gave my heart to.  His name was Mike and at the time I was with him, I thought I was in love with him.  He was my first kiss, my first real boyfriend. THe used me for my money and other things that is unforgivable because I was stupid and didn't think.

I got overly attached to him and he freaked.  He set me.a.MySpace message saying that he wanted nothing to do with me.  For the first year after the break up, I try everything to get him back in my life and see if we can get back together.  He pushed me away and even had his friends to threaten me.  I was hurt and thinking back on it still stings.

A couple of years later with a few dating here and there, I was reunited with a high school friend and I'm guessing long time crush.  We hung out more and started dating.  Now I can say that he is the love of my life.

Tonight before going home, we had a talk about quantum physics and everything that has to do with science.  We talk about life, politics, love, school, everything.  I enjoy talking and sharing everything with him.  On the bus, I realized that what Mike has done for me was a favor by breaking up with me.

I don't think I would be happy with him on a long term, though I was in the short-term.  I had nothing to share and talk to about, and not too be mean, was not too bright.(I'm not saying that I'm a genius).  Chris on the other hand , he challenges me and open my mind.  He makes me change the way I see things.

Word of advice:
That sometimes what seems like a good thing might be a 20 minutes of bliss can be a year full of pain.  But  your knight in shining armour can be just around the corner, and he can be anyone (even if you gave up on them in high school)

Love and Blame

Lately I've seen a bunch of post on Facebook, bloggs, you name it, has been about how horrible men are and how badly he has hurt you.  I get that a lot of guys are jerks and they can be be heartless.  But seeing and hearing how the relationship ended it sound like the girl was being psychotic.

I see girls being fans on sites like "when guys treat their girlfriends like princesses."  And I agree that guys should treat their girlfriend with respect, but it is a two way street.  Girls should treat their guys with respect.  Girls expect the man do all the work, but that is not how it works.

Relationship is a partnership.  If girls put in a little more effort as the expect the guy to do maybe it might work. Not all guys are jerks and not every girl is a princess.

Words of advice:
Instead of posting things saying what a guy should do and what you are expecting him to be...you should say I'm going to try as long as you are going to.

What happen to politeness?

I know I haven't really been on here for a while, but this topic is going to be a good one!

Since my last blog and now, I've ran into the rudest people that anyone would meet.  Awhile ago, I was on the bus and you see punk kids sitting on the seats, and you see moms with their babies, elderly people would be the one standing.  I don't think that is right at all.  They have signs posted that the seats should be given up to the elderly, and I say the moms with the babies should have right away to the seats.

Still on the bus,I was standing by the back exist (because that is where there is room to stand), bus driver stops at one of the stops and a person pushed me into a crowed of people to get off the bus.  No tap on the shoulder, no excuse me....nothing.

I'm the type that would hold a door open for another person even if they are 10 feet a way, and I also check behind me to make sure if I have someone behind me or not.  I was following a lady out of a Starbucks.  I had my hands full and she didn't even bother to look at me and close the door on my face.  And she is the one that gave me a dirty look.


I don't know if it is people have always been like that and I'm just realizing it.  Or this generation, and/or this area is just extra rude.

Word Of Advice:
No matter how rude people is, don't stoop down to their level and just keep being polite and walk the higher ground.

Work and Marriage

The center is coming to the last week before summer vacation, and this has been an interesting year.  I had my evaluation done and I got positive marks for it =)  My interactions with the children has improved  I've become a stronger teacher over all.  I might get a master teacher job, if not than I will be a lead in the afternoons, and that is a step up from where I am now.  I have learned a lot from the children and my co-workers.  But the one thing that stood out to me is work is a lot like marriage, and here is a great example of what I mean.

I have a co-worker in my room that I adore.  She is a sweet person and is very helpful, but the one problem is that she does get too much.  My room got three children that are having really hard drop offs, and those three are my primary.  I'm trying to help and child and she would sweep in and then steps on my toes when I try to help my primary children.  I appreciate the help, but  I didn't need the help and if I did need help I would ask my master teacher to talk me through.  Because of her sweeping in on my children, they are now attach to her and they want nothing to do with me.

She also has no issue of telling on what I need to do.  It is always "Ashley go get this", "Ashley, get that", and "Ashley can do it".  Even if my hands are full with a child.  But when I asked if she can get me a tissue for a child and she acts like it is a big deal and how dare I ask her to do me a favor.  It was one time that she did this that really ticked me off was when it was my week to set up.  On the last day of my week I was doing a collage on sticky paper of flowers and bugs stickers because that was my theme.  She removed all my items that I had set up and replaced it with cut up pictures of animals (Like the week before activities that she set up).  And said "I don't think that was a good idea and that the animals would be better." 

Another thing that she gets a little much on is that she has an open schedule, so that means that she can sub and help out in other rooms.  But every time they call to see if she can help out she gets really mad about it.  Then she makes a big deal about it during her shift in our room.  I understand that when someone is tired, they are tired, but the time with the kids are with the kids.

One last thing is that she gets why too frustrated easily.  We and these three tubes out for the kids to play with, but also they had a hard time sharing and waiting their turn.  So a teacher needed to be there to supervise the children.  The master teacher was helping both a child and a lab student.  I was going to take the kids outside because they had so much energy. But before letting the kids out, I had to change a child's diaper.  As I was helping a child, she freaked out on the kids because they were fighting over the tubes and then just removed it from the room.  The master teacher told her that if she need to step out for a moment to let us know, and not take her frustration on the children.

She is a good person, but she does need a lot of things to work on.  I remember when I first started working at the center and the progression that I made.  I finally grew into a teacher that I'm proud of, and I need to step back and remember that I too was in her shoes and I should try to help her as much as I can. 


Word of advice:
Work is a lot like marriage that we have our ups and downs and that we need to pick and choose our battles and work on a lot of our issues to make it a better environment for everyone.

Different hats

As you probably read in the past that I work in a child care center.  I'm a preschool teacher, but I don't count in the eyes of others.  When some stores when they offer a teacher discount and I ask about it and they will ask me if I was a teacher and where I work.  I told them that I work at the preschool at the local college, and then I get this look of that I don't qualify for the discount.  I also had one person tell me that I was not a teacher. 


I'm not a teacher?  Just because I work with younger children does not me that I am not a teacher.  I am teaching them how to interact with other children, to use their words, colors, abc's, 123's, and other things that they need to know before going into elementary school.  But that is only one of the many hats that I wear.

Here are my other hats:

I'm a teacher
I'm a yard supervisor
I'm a nurse
I'm a first responder
I'm a gardener
I'm a part time mommy
I'm a chef
I'm a waiter
I'm a musician
I'm a singer
I'm a actoress
I'm a story teller
I'm a  repair person
I'm a counselor
I'm a couch
I'm a pillow
I'm a tissue
I'm an art easel


I am a teacher and so much more!

Word advice:
Just because a person works with preschoolers and even younger doesn't mean that they are not teachers and that they are not teaching them something important.   Preschool teachers wear many hats.

Master Teacher

One of the Master Teachers at the center is deciding that she is going to be leaving to live with her husband in Las Vegas.  I'm excited because I have everything ready to be a master teacher, and I have been waiting for this day to come!  But I'm nervous because I'm not the only one that is going for this job.  There is 15 people that are going to be applying for this position....15!!!!  I don't know who is all going for it but I do know of five others that are going to go for it.  I don't want to give out names, so I'm going to use first initial.  

S is one of the afternoon teachers in the orange room.  She is really good and has many ideas that are wonderful.  She is also a member in many organizations like NAEYC.  She is older than me and has been at the center about the same amount of time that I have been there.

A is in the morning pink room now and she is a very laid back, easy going people to work with.  She has already been doing the job for this master teacher that is leaving.   She is only slightly older than me and has a site supervisor permit.  And started working at the center a year after I did.

S is the afternoon purple room teacher and she has been at that center for a very long time.  She left out of the country to Korea for a little while and then return to us.  She is also a very good teacher to work with and she is very good with the kids.

E is an afternoon teacher in the red room.  She just started working with us last year, but she has worked in other centers and I think at one point she had her own home-daycare.


Lastly there is me.  I've been at the center for almost five years, I have my associates degree and a master teacher permit.  I'm pretty sure that I'm one of (if not the only one) youngest one going for the master teacher position.  I've worked with the babies before and I've worked with almost every master teacher at that center.  I'm asked for a bunch of people to write me a bunch of letters of recommendation (both parents and co-workers), and putting together my portfolio.

I'm going to apply and try for it and hope for the best.  This isn't going to be easy, but who ever gets the position is going to be great!  And the best of luck to anyone who gets it because we all worked hard for this moment.  I'm still going to work on getting my B.S degree in Child Development, and if I don't get the master teacher job then it just means that I'm meant for something else and that I need to work on being a elementary school teacher.   
 

Word of advice:

Even is something seems like it my be impossible to achieve, still go for it because who know the outcome and it would be a good learning experience

Support

So as everyone notice on facebook that a lot of people who support gay marriages changed their pictures into the red "=", so they show their support.  Not everyone agrees with gay marriages and that is okay.  Everyone is entitled to their beliefs.  I'm not going to bash on people who don't agree with it because that is how they feel and believe and no one can, nor should take that away for them.  And the reverse should be the same too. 

What makes me mad a little more is that you bash on something silly as a picture to show support for something you don't agree with, but then your picture is showing support for another thing.  Calling someone an idiot for something that you did too is not cool. 

I don't agree that someone is an idiot for showing support just because you feel they are trying to change your mind on the issue.  I can not speak for everyone, but I did it to show my support for gay marriages because two people who are in love should be able to have that right.   The bible isn't the highest law of the land, but the Constitution. And remember that most of our founding fathers were atheist and wanted freedom of and from religion.

I'm not going to argue with this person because it isn't worth and that he too is entitled to his opinion, but I think he needs to realize that everyone else does too. 

Word advice:
Every one needs to check themselves before they wreck themselves ;)

But on a serious note:  Everyone is better off leaving their opinions to themselves.  Everyone has opinions and not everyone is going to agree with you, thus leading to stupid and pointless fights!

  

A story of Lord Fancy Feast

This is a blog my boyfriend wrote and He said I can share this:

I am 23, almost 24 years old, and I am fighting depression. Every day, I have to fight the lethargy, the negativity, the urge to give in to my myriad of failures and give up. I fight the intense need to simply try to drink myself into an early grave. I have to put up with constant reminders of everything wrong I've done, simply because I have failed so many things that my every action these days is filled with them. I go to school, and I am reminded that I should have finished two years ago,yet I still have two to go. I look at my girlfriend, and I see the pain I caused her. I look at pictures from my past and I remember all the friends I gained and kept, who treated me like garbage, and the friends I lost who were as close to true compatriots as one can find in this life. I say 'I wish I had stayed in boy scouts' knowing it was my choice to quit. And every minute is a struggle to not break down and cry, and drain a dozen bottles of liquor dry.
But I fight. Because my girlfriend, despite everything, still loves me. Because my education, despite my failures, is not complete. Because I choose to live better, and be better, I fight. I am not depressed. I am not an alcoholic. I do not abuse drugs, or cut myself, or entertain thoughts of suicide. I am not depressed by any of my failures, because I refuse to make them again, and I will live in spite of them.
Thses days, I drink socially, with friends. The only pain is the sting of bb's, or the dull burn of a good exercise. I do not gorge myself with food, but relish every bite. I livein spite of my failures, and I live better because of them.
Others have hard lives, and refuse to bow. I could do no less, knowing they have worse, and none of it self-inflicted.All my failings are just that, self-inflicted. I caused them to happen, with poor judgement or lack of information.
No, the part that depresses me now is I see a fellow, one of my few true companions that I am proud to call friend, making the same mistakes. Heading down a similar path. And there is nothing I can do for him, because I know he will not listen if I tell him forcefully, yet without force the message will never be made. And so I tread lightly, trying to let him know that his mistakes are my own, and to learn from mine, so he does not feel the same sting.
But I am not depressed. Nor will I ever be. And I thank God for that saving grace, and my stubborn nature.
Sorry for the rant, but I needed to get that off my chest. It doesn't make much sense, looking back at it, I rambled too much. But it fits.

Valentine's day

Valentine's day is in a couple of days and I want to wish happy Valentine's day to my friends, my family, and my boyfriend.  Valentine's day is about love, and not just love for that one person that we want to sleep with, or to buy the gifts.  It is about love that you have for the people in your life!  I love my boyfriend very much, but he isn't the only person in my life.  I think people have a negative misleading thought about Valentine's day.  People think that they need to have a boyfriend/girlfriend to spend it with, but they don't.  It is about spending it with the people that you love. 

I have friends that I've known much longer than my boyfriend.  My friends have been there for me when I hit a big bump in the road in my life.  I turn to them when I can't turn to my family or my boyfriend.  My friends help me through school.  My friends help me get through work.  Either helping me get a job by being my reference, or helping me get the job done at work.  Lastly, they help keep me sane and always putting a smile on my face even when I'm feeling down.   I love my friends for everything they have done for me.

I love my family because they are the only people that knows me my entire life.  My family are the ones that taught me my morals and shaped me to the person that I am today.  Without them, I might be a horrible mean person that uses people to get what I want, sleep around with random guys and act like the victim.  Or I could be relying on a man to take care of me.  My family taught me to be independent, that I don't need anyone to take care of me, and push me to do great with my life.

I love my boyfriend.  I love that he can make me smile, he is my best friend, he keeps me grounded when I feel like my world is spiraling out of control.  I'm a control freak and if something isn't going the way I want it to then I freak out and panic.  My boyfriend helps calm me down and makes me relax.  Most importantly he sees beyond my imperfections and still choose to be with me. 

I agree that Valentine's day is commercialized and that love shouldn't be celebrated on one day out of the year (twice if  you count Christmas).  But I think it helps people to put away whatever feelings of hate and to love the people that they have around them.  When I see people complaining about couples on Valentine's day it does bug me.  Because they are too bitter to love the people that they have in their life because they think that it is about having someone to buy gifts for, or receiving gifts. 

At my work, we can't really teach the kids holidays, but we find loop-holes in everything, so all is good!  But around Valentine's day we do the hearts, the Valentine's day colors, but we also talk about friendship and the different types of love we have for each other. 


Word of advice:

Valentine's day is more than love for a person that is your significant other, but for the other people in your life!  It isn't a commercial holiday for couples to buy stuff, but a day to stop and be glad for the rest of the awesome people in our lives (Friends and family).  We need to change the way we look at this holiday!

I don't get it?

I don't get it?  There are two girls that are "best friends".   One of the girls is one of thoes that needs to have a boyfriend, or her life is not worth living.  she made a post of a qoute saying that love is kind, love is....so on and so on.....She tags a few friends and her boyfriend.  On of the girls that she tag I guess took it the  wrong way.

The girl that was tagged starts to tell her off about that it was stupid, a wast of her time, and that she had been in a relationship for a year.  Also accusing her of being a "kiss ass".  The girl that made the post tells the other girl that the post wasn't just about love and relationships, but also friendship.

I don't understand anymore.....I agree that love should be in person and I can understand why anyone could be upset by it.   But I also understand that she was trying to share on her insight.

Another use to be friends is two people that I work with.  K liked this one guy and went out, but nothing more than friends.  He found out that K is friends with this girl, T.  T and this guy has been friends since jr. high.  They started talking more and soon started dating.  K was upset abd hurt, and I get it.   But now she is being very childish and giving dirty looks to T.

Word of advice:  Communication is key to any relationship...romantically or friendship....

Honeymoon over?

In the early stages of all relationships, there is a stage were everything is new and exciting. There is a point in the relationship where that stops and everything falls in a rut.  

I'm starting to feel that my relationship has fallen into that rut.  It is very hard to surprise me, but I would love it when it does happen.  I don't know if I feel left out when I see post from friends and co-workers that their boyfriend/husband get flowers or a little gift after visiting their work to drop it off.  It is also very harwhen everyone is married, or is getting married.

I don't know what to do.  I don't what to ask him because I don't want flowers every day, but it would be nice to get a little something every once in awhile.