A real man

I have seen a few post from girls saying that they want a bad boy that is only good for them.  For me, I want a good guy. The type of guy that wants to do right by me, he is scared to lose me, that I am his world.

I do have that guy.  I have posted a few things about how I was unhappy with the relationship because it was all his fault.  The truth is yes, he got drunk and a girl came on to him.  She invited him to her room.  And you know what he did?  He walked away from her.  He sent me an email still drunk telling me what happened.  I was hurt and it hurt for awhile because I never got closer until a few years ago.   His whole time at Humboldt was a nightmare,  but when he hit rock bottom
And was kicked out, it has opened up his eyes and he realized that he needed to grow up.  You know what? He did just that, he grew up! He owned up to his mistakes and try to make right to everyone that he wronged.   Those people were his mom, dad, myself,  and most importantly himself.   If we can forgive and try to get pass the nightmare,  than what is your problem? Even when you acknowledge the positive results.

What makes a man?

He Is A Gentleman

He Is Direct

He Is Faithful

He Has Integrity

He Is Honest

He Is Mature

He Is Self-Confident

He Has a Positive Attitude

And now and the past year or so that Chris has grown to be all these things on that list.  He has always been a gentleman back in high school.   He helps me when I fall, holds doors open for me, walk me to my door, carry my bag, and when he can he pays for me (and you know what? I don't expect him to pay for me all the time). He has a direction of what he wants in life and he is working his ass off to get what he wants.  He has never once cheated on me, never and I can say that with confidence!  He had many opportunities to cheat and didn't.   A real man doesn't sleep with a million women, a real man love one woman a million ways.  He use to lie all the time,  but when his life was falling apart he need to change,  and guess what? He did! He is working hard to make the life he wants and he has been honest with his parents, me, and to himself.  He has owned up to what he did wrong and he is cleaning up the mess that he had made.   He is happy with himself and the way his life is going.

A real man isn't based on haw many women he can get, or how perfect he think he may be (aka God's gift to women).  A real man knows his flaws, his mistakes, and he tries to make it better and do what is right even if he was wrong.  He loves only one, he doesn't sleep around. He isn't proud about hurting women, or making them cry and thinks it is great success for him.

I am proud of Chris and what he is doing.  He made mistakes, but he changed.   He wants me happy and he wants to be the one to do that. He  does make happy, he treats me as an equal,  he values what I have to say, what I feel.  He is a good guy and he won't take advantage of people. He doesn't make me do things that I don't like.  I am truly happy despite what the naysayers think that they know (because they know crap).

If you are not happy,  if your "loved one" is making you do things that you don't want to do,  doesn't listens to you, has to have sex with other women, won't let you do your thing that makes you happy, won't let you  express yourself,  forces you to ignore your friends, you so he can booty...that is not a relationship...it is being a toy.

I can honsestly say I am happy with my relationship and my life. Can you say the same?

50 shades of issues?

There is a big debate about the 50 shades of Grey movie.  When the books came out, people made it a big deal as well.  I read all three books to see what the issue was about and found that it was exactly what to expect from this book [IT IS PORN!] It is like every other lady's romance novel.   If people is making a big issue about one book series,  then do the same with the other romantic novels and not single out just this one.

Another reason is the writing is horrible and/or it is Twilight fan fiction.   I agree completely with that statement!   Yes I didn't agree with Twilight nor did I like it!  I felt like it was a major let down and there was so much that could have been done with it.  I know what I was getting myself into when reading 50 shades of Grey and yes the writing was bad, but it wasn't to the point that you couldn't read the book.  For me it was a guilty reading pleasure.   I also found myself having a hard time reading books similar to it.

Some argue that it doesn't represent the BDSM community.   There is a difference between BDSM and a Dominant and submissive relationship.  It does uses the terms and what not that is used in BDSM and D/s relationship.  Though I do agree that in start of their weird relationship could be seen as date rape.   Others will argue that he is abusive, not BDSM or D/s relationship.   Yes he is abusive because the author added a twist (he had a drug addict mother and he likes to beat little brown haired girls that reminds him of his mother).  On a psychological point of view makes it interesting to read.

I'm not saying people need to read this book series or go to see the movie,  but I am saying that you should stop bashing it.  I thought twilight (both books and movies) were terrible,  but I am not going to make a big deal about it like people are doing about 50 shades of Grey.

Word of advice:
People need to stop raining on others opinions because the same can be done about the things that you like.  Don't like the book, don't like the movie?  Don't read it, don't watch it!

My 100th post (Women=objects?)

Awhile ago there was a shooting down by Santa Barbra because this guy wanted sex and didn't take rejection well. Though it was a long time ago and this can be put to rest, it still made me ponder this for awhile.  I watched his video and hearing him talked about how he was perfect and that women are a bunch of sluts because they didn't want to be with him, and they go out with other types of guys that he saw as annoying, ugly apes.  At the end of this tragic story is that this guy shot six people before taking his own life.

This is sickening that a guy thinks that he is God's gift to women and that the females of the human kind should be throwing themselves to him.  Well I am sorry to break the news, but women are NOT objects.

The sad thing is that there is some men out there who believe that women purpose on this planet is to be in the kitchen and serving her man.  Also that they should give up her body to him when ever he demand it.

I hope that with all the shootings that we had the past few months will be put to an end.  Also, women are not objects and that her body is hers and not of a man for whatever he wants with whenever he wants it.

Book Report: The Divergent Series

I have been reading the divergent series.  I finished book one a while ago, and I am currently working on the second book.  I am almost done with it and I will more and likely read the last book.  I find reading relaxing especially on a long work day.  I enjoyed the Hunger Games series, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, so on and so forth.  The Divergent series is an interesting series that I have read so far.  I enjoy it and hate it at the same time.

I have read many books in the past, but never to think to post my feelings on a blog about it.  But hey, why not?  I have been having mixed emotions about what I read so far.  This is completely my opinion, so if you loved it that is great and if you hated it then that is good too.

The two main characters are hard to stand.  The main character Beatrice, or as she is refer as Tris.  I get that wanting a new identity when going into a new fraction, but you can't come up with a better name.  To me it felt like the character is trying to be a bad ass with a pretty lousy one syllable nickname.  Through out the book, they play that she is truly selfless despite how she view her self.  Most of the book is about the love interest and being selfless for him.  Her parents died and there were a few ways she could have help.  She killed one of her friends that could have been spared.  But when it came to her boyfriend, she did everything her power to help him or snap him back to normal.  She also ruins every plan because she thinks she knows what it is best.  They play her as a special snowflake.  I was happy that there is more than two divergents in the book.  I do love when she did snap and screaming that she cannot be controlled.

The other character is Tobias, or Four.  He is the love interested and the high school girl's dream of the bad boy going good for that one lucky girl.  He comes off as a jerk and yet Tris keeps going after him.  They just met and they are already in love.  This romance is a little too Twilight for me.  They do not care for the fact that they only help either themselves, or the lover.  Rarely I read that they cared to help someone else.

I truly enjoy the concept, the minor characters, and the idea.  The hard part is the two main characters.  They are hard to like and that you do root for the other guy at times.  I hope that the third book gets better with both Tris and 4.

That is my book report so far on what I read.  Like I said before, you can agree with me or not, just remember that it is my own thoughts.

I'm sorry

Hey it has been awhile since my last post.  I got a new keyboard for my tablet and this a test to see if works.  So far it is working pretty well.  The title of this post is not for the lack of not posting much, but more of the responce to when someone says "I'm sorry."

The past few months I was thinking about how people react after I or someone else say "I'm sorry." I notcie that I get the same thing: "It's not your fault", "Why are you sorry", or "you didn't do anything."

Yes, thanking you for lettig me know that it wasn't my fault because I totally was trying to make your life hell!  I know that it wasn't my fault and that there is nothing that I can do.

When I say sorry, it doesn't mean that it was my fault, or that I am trying to fix what is wrong.  I say it because I feel bad that it happened, I feel bad that I can't do much to make things a little better for you.

What I  am trying to say is that there is more than one or  two meaning when apologizing.  Sometimes you can make someone feel like crap and feel worse when saying it's not your fault.

Word of advice:
Sorry is not just a black and white thing

Sexuality

A few weeks ago I have seen a few post about transgender and transexuals.  One was an article about babies born as both sex and the parents picking one gender to make it less awkward.  Another the was a post of a person refusing to acknowledge a person's identity that they choose to be than the one they were born with.  Of course I am cool with transgenders/transexuals, but I stopped to think what it if it happened to someone I know and is close to me.

If one of my family members decided to change their gender would be hard to get use to, but I am pretty positive that I would be okay and I will supportive.  Then I started to think what if my boyfriend decided that he wanted to be a woman and would I still be with him.

At first I wouldn't be because I identify myself being straight.  Then I thought more about it because I believe in soul mates and that their is that one person for everyone.  I realized that I would be with him because I fell in love with the person that makes me smile, feel wonderful about myself.

I asked my boyfriend the same question and at first he wasn't sure that he could be with me if I were to become a man.  The more we talked it out he realized that he would love me and be with me no matter what.

At first I did only believed in only straight, gay, or bi.  I didn't believe people claiming being pansexual and what not.  I thought it was people wanting to be a special snowflake and want to be called something different than bisexual, or they are straight and wanting attention.  But after having this conversation with my boyfriend, I realized that I love my boyfriend as a person and not because he has a certain body part.  That I would love him no matter what gender he choose to be and he is the same way.

Word of advice:
Some times we have the mantility of it would never happen to me.  Some times we need to step back and put ourselves in that situation to truly understand others.

Valentines day vs. Acknowledging all relationships

Because Valentines day is next Friday and I have put some thought on this subject, I feel this is rather appropriate to share.

Last year I made a post about how people who are in non relationships need to stop whining about how lonely and blaming the ones that are in relationships.  Also people that are in relationships need to cool it on how your relationship is better than others, especially after being in a relationship for 3 days.

This post is sparked after sharing ideas with my coworkers for next week activities.  At my center, we cannot do holidays, but on valentines day we talk about all forms of relationships with everyone in their lives.  This made me think that we shouldn't just focus on our boyfriend\girlfriend, but as well as our parents, grandparents, siblings, other family members, friends, and coworkers. 

I guess what I am trying to say is that we do have other relationships with other people that help us move forward.  We should be appreciative of all people in our lives.  Having a significant other is nice, but not the end all be all.  Disney is making that move by having their movies like Frozen and Brave.

Word of advice:
In a relationships or not, we need to look at the other people in our life that help shape us to who we are today.

The size of inner beauty

This has been bugging me for awhile, so I am making a post about weight issues:

I can easily say that I am not the skinniest person, nor am I the fattest!  I am proud to see girls with curves are being comfortable in their skin, but to what price?

I have seen Facebook post saying that a curvy Gil is more beautiful than a skinny girl.  I am not going to lie that it doesn't bother me because it does!

Like curvy girls, most skinny girls are born like it and genetics messes with them as well.  We think skinny girls are mean, stuck up, so on and so on.  We are say everyone is beautiful and that means everyone that has a good heart!

And for the girls that starve themselves or throwing up their food in a fear that they may get fat, they have a psychological problem that they need help!


I know nice skinny girls and bitchy curvy girls, and the other way around!  It is the person, not the way they look!


Word of advice:
Support inner beauty, not the size of the person.
Don't put anyone down because they are curvy, chubby, skinny.  Because that is going to cause more problems.

Lesson from Mike

Sorry that I haven't been writing, but it has been a crazy time since my last blog for anyone that still reads it.  The past couple of days I have been think about my ex, Michael Galetti.  I decided to make a post about him.

Mike was my first real boyfriend, or at least in my mind he was.  He took me on one date and I really had a good time.  Later he wanted it to be physical.  At first I stood my ground and told him that I was not ready for that kind of relationship.  He decided to call things off (before Valentines day of course).  I started to regret my decision and try to get him back and I was willing to take the relationship to where he wants it to be.  After awhile he gives me a second chance (lucky me).  So the rest of this so-called relationship was just that, sex and me paying everything just to have some sort of real relationship.   After awhile he decides that he can't handle it and ingores me for a good month.  I assumed he is cheating on me and send him a message stating that.  He finally replies back the whole "we are over","it's me, not you" and so on and so on...

I tried to be friend him and he would accept, but I would push my luck and hope he might give me a chance and he leaves again.  He meets a new girl and I would be friend her in hopes that I can see how he is doing.  In the process two of his friend will message me threatening.  I realized that he is not worth it anymore and more and likely he got them to do it.

I moved on change my out look on life and what I wanted out a guy, the relationship, and what I wanted out of myself.  I focus on school, so I can leave Walmart.  I did all that and I do feel better about myself.  I am at the place that I love working at.  I got there on my own without the help of Mike, or anyone, but the support of the people that matter.  I found myself in a relationship with a guy I am very happy with and treats me the way that I deserve to be treated. I am now happy with the direction that my life is heading.

At the time that I was with him,  in my head I did love him.  Looking back at it now, it wasn't love.  He used me for my body, my money, and my emotions.  We were never met to be and I am okay with this fact.  Our paths may or may not cross, and once again I am okay with this.

Word of Advice:
Usually the relationship doesn't last and does suck, but it is okay to get through and move on because the chances are that they are living their life just fine without you.  Don't cry over your Michael Galetti because your Christopher Baker might be around the corner.