A beautiful sadness

Overview:
This is a clip from South Park when Stan's heart was broken when Wendy broke up with him and she starts seeing Token.  Stan's friends try to make him feel better by taking to him what is basically a Hooters.  Stan is still heartbroken over Wendy.  Stan starts hanging out with the goth kids and because just a whinny brat because it didn't work out with one Wendy.  The girls that work at this restaurant flirts with the boys and Butters falls in love with one of the girls, and he doesn't realize that she was doing that so he would tip more money.  Butters buys her gifts and starts stalking her.  Towards the end, Butters realized that the girl he was stalking was not his girlfriend and that she really didn't like him.  He was hurt and he was left crying at the side of the road in the rain.  Then Stan and the other goth kids finds Butters and they try to get him to join with the group. Butters turns them down because he loves life to be in a group that was always complaining and hating life.  Stan was confused by this because Butters got his heart ripped out.  Butters simply explains that even though he is sad about the break up, but that still makes him happy because that there was something that made him so happy at one point and when it was taken away that it made him sad about it.  Butters continues that with that going on that it makes him feel alive, that it makes him feel human.  It is what he calls a beautiful sadness.


Why is it worth sharing?
I thought about how I feel when I am sad and at the moment of sadness that I just want it to go away and I don't care how. But when I see this picture above, it makes since what Butters meant and that I do feel alive because I have all these emotions and I'm able to express them.  I see posts on facebook and hear how people talk about how horrible life is because they are lacking something in their lives (mostly not being able to have a girlfriend/boyfriend) and that they do everything in their power to keep themselves from ever being happy.  And because they are not happy, these people will complain how they are unhappy and that there is nothing that will ever make them happy.  Outsiders will try to help them and cheer them up, and it will work a total of ten minutes and they are back to being depressed.  After reading that picture, it made me realized that we forget that even though we are sad, but that just means that there was something that made us really happy and that we are alive to feel such heartbreak and that we are human. 


Word of Advice:
I would never think that South Park gave a good advice, but they did.  Overall we need to remember that it is okay to feel sad but just know that we will be okay.  We need to work through it and not push everyone who is trying to help us up.

My life in music

I saw this and I wanted to see how my life sound track would be...

How am I feeling today? Masters of the World (Sabaton)
How do my friends see me? The Siren (Nightwish)
What is the story of my life? Stand (Rascal Flatts)
What song describes my mom? Reflection (Mulan)
What song describes my dad? God Love Her (Toby Keith)
What song describes my significant other? Here Without You (3 doors down)
What song describes my ex?  Whoever brings the night (Nightwish)
To describe my grandparents? Return to the Sea (Nightwish)
How is my life going?  Christmas/Sarajevo 12/24 (Trans-siberian Orchestra)
What song will they play at my funeral? Love is a Battlefield (Pat Benatar) *I'm okay with this
How does the world see me? Six (All that Remains)
Will I have a happy life? Wizards in Winter (TSO)
What do my friends really think of me? Your Hand in Mine (Explosions in the Sky)
What is some good advice for me? Ticket to Heaven (3 Doors Down)
How will i be remembered? Stray Cat Strut (Stray Cat Strut)
What is my current theme song? Through the Fire and Flames (Dragonforce) *OH DEAR GOD MY FINGERS*

LIFE STORY:
Opening Credits: Touch the Sky (Brave)
Waking Up: Eden (Sarah Brightman)
First Day At School: Steal Away (Celtic Thunder)
Falling In Love: Enter Sandman (Metallica)
Fight Song: Don't Stop Me Now (Queen) *I'm laughing at this*
Breaking Up: Can't get my head around you (Offspring)
Prom: Be Like That (3 doors down)
Life's OK:  Elvenpath (Nightwish)
Mental Breakdown: Stargazers (Nightwish)
Driving: The Riddler (Nightwish)
Flashback: Sahara (Nightwish)
Getting Back Together: I'm Not Over (Carolina Burning)
Wedding: Circle of Life (Lion King)
Birth of Child: Deliver Me (Sarah Brightman) BWHAHAHAHAHA
Final Battle: Last of the Wilds (Nightwish)
Death Scene: Lappin, Part 2: Witchdrums (Nightwish)
Funeral Song: Celtic Carol (Lindsey Striling)
End Credits:Stalingrad  (Sabaton)

Leadership

It has been one month since I started back to work after being off for three months during summer vacation.  I have been working at the center for five years and started my first year as a lead teacher in the afternoons.  I co-teach with another teacher in the afternoons, so there is four of us total that work together; two lead teachers and two assistant teachers.  We seem to have a system to make the our classroom run smooth and it is working for us so far.  

Last Friday, one of the assistant teacher brought up a concern with another assistant teacher was doing.  I could have easily went to that teacher and talk to her about the concerns that were brought up.  But I figure that we would have a meeting, so no one would feel attack.  I talk to my Master Teacher about it and she agree that would have been the best thing to do.

Today we had our meeting once we got the children down for nap.  We talked about how that we need to focus on all the children and not just the ones that we favor.  We also talked about snack and that once it is done, it is done.  We discuss what we can do for a solution for the ones that wait last minute for snack.

I realized that after this meeting that I had with my staff, that I'm not just watching and observing with child, but also with adults.  I am doing everything as a master teacher with a few exceptions.  I didn't realize how much more responsibility placed on me.  In the past of everyday that I worked.  I always try to go for a supervisor position.  Back Wal-mart, I tried to be one because I was already doing the work of one, so might as well get the pay of one.  Because of the comment that it was "not woman's work" and not working with my school scheduled, so I left.

When I started working at the daycare center five years ago, I just focus on working with children.  I grew to wanting to plan activities for a classroom, and that lead to taking on more responsibilities.  This past summer I was interviewed for the master teacher position, but did not get it.  I'm glad that I didn't because the one that they did pick is a good choice.  But I did not walk away empty handed, and I was given the lead.  I took this opportunity and I'm running with it.

If I look back a few years ago when I was in high school, I can easily can say that I had nothing that makes a good leader.  When I graduated, I learn more about myself and that I realized that I was never a follower and how controlling I really am.  Taking on this position as an afternoon lead is bring new challenges that I need to help me grow more.  It also helps me work on excellent leadership skills and how to work with other adults.


Word of Advice:
 Sometimes new challenges can be overwhelming and rewarding at the same time!

What is a price of a mile?

And as the the night falls the general calls
And the battle carries on and on
What is the purpose of it all?
What’s the price of a mile?

Thousands of feet march to the beat
It’s an army on the march
Long way from home
Paying the price in young mens lives

12 years later as of tomorrow and poor men and women lying their lives to protect ours.  It is time to come home

Word of Advice:

What is a price of a mile? 

Frankenstein's Monster

In my English class, we are reading Mary Shelly's Frankenstein.  Part of our homework is to write up a journal entry of what we read.  So far we only had to write up two, so in the second entry I wrote about the part that we ended in our reading.  The part that I wrote about is the creature was sharing his story, his observations, and his feelings to his creator.  We find out that the monster is lonely and it made me realize that we have at one point felt what the creature was feeling.  We are a creature trying to find a friend and we get treated if we are a monster.

Growing up in Burbank, I really didn't have a friend in the world.  I would have some people say that were my friends, but leaving because someone would tell them not to be my friend, or they were a loser if they were.  I would also have friends that would be friend me, but only to tell my other friends to leave me.  It sucks in you were in elementary school. I would get called a flea or other horrible names.  No one would help me and told me that I was the one with the problem and that I need to grow thicker skin.  I was the one that needed to change. At a young age that this message was for me that I was the one with a problem, and that it was okay for what the other children were doing.  The only thing that I wanted was a friend and to stand by my side through good and bad.  Someone to pull me up when I'm down, and not care the lies and rumors that the other children would say.  That is all that I really wanted as a kid...no toys, games, or any of that...I wanted a friend.

When reading Frankenstein, it was easy to get mad at the monster because he killed a young child and framed an innocent girl.  But once you read to the part that he is telling his story only to find out that he was lonely, and he had no one; no family, no friends, no lover.  You start to feel for the creature and realize that at one point that you feel like him. 

I shared my story.  At a young age I was tormented throughout elementary school and I had no one on my side. 

Word of Wisdom:
Who is the true monster, the ones that looks different from everyone, or the ones that treats another human being like crap without any reason?

Making the best of it

First I want to apologize for my grammar and spelling from a couple of my last post.  It is very hard to type on a 7" tablet.   That is why I haven't really been posting anything new...also there isn't really anything new for me to post.

So here is the update:
My boyfriend finally got into a new college that isn't Humboldt.  He is now going to California State University of Bakersfield for this coming year, and hopefully he can get into California State University of Northridge for a year and to finish up and get his degree.

I'm postponing the university center because I cannot afford to go, so I'm working on the last four general education classes and then transfer to an university.  I also want to take the year to save up for a car, or get the one my dad has repaired.  I'm going to make this happen!!!!

I started back at work last week, and started my new position as lead teacher in the afternoons.  I'm a little sad that I didn't get the master teacher position, but I'm glad that they gave it to someone that is wonderful and she is great!   I get to co teach with the lead in the green room and everything seems to be working out so far!  This is a step up from when I started and it will be 5 years that I have been working at the center as of tomorrow!

Since I am now working in the afternoons, this opens up my mornings for many things.  So I figure that I can work on my homework (I'm only taking two classes, and it is nothing but readings and papers).  I also decided that I'm going to take advantage of the track not being use, but also open.  In the mornings I'll go to the track and run five laps, and then changed into normal clothes and working on homework. I'll do this until I go into work at 12.

I'll also do some babysitting on the weekends and after work to make so extra cash.  So I am nice and busy! I will visit Chris up at Bakersfield during the weekends when we are free to do so!

I'm keeping myself nice and busy and making the best of it!



Word of Advice:
Times flies when you are having fun (or very busy!)