Happy Valentine's day!

I agree that there shouldn't be one day to celebrate the love you have if you are a couple.  If you are single and want to call it single awareness day then by all means go ahead!  But what ticks me off a bit is where people who are single throw either a pity party because they feel they need to have someone to just celebrate a commercial holiday.  But what I don't like is that when single people are picking on couples because they love each other.  I agree that you should love your partner every day and not just once a year, but that isn't okay to make couples feel bad because you are alone. 

One post that made me wrote this said this: "Thank you to all the lovely couples out there reminding me today that I don't have a special someone in my life...happy single awareness day!"  I'm sorry that ever couple has to stop being a couple because you are to busy focusing on why you don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend to do stuff with. They are the same that if they see two people showing a little PDA that they make quotes like "Get a room!"  and they say it with disgust.  If it bugs you so much then don't look!

I know they're couples out there that go a little far with a PDA and that isn't okay!  And for the single people who don't make a big deal about it, I say thank you!  You aren't being big cry babies about it.  Like I've told people before;  It is nice to have someone, but it isn't the end of the world if you don't have anyone!

And to those who make a big deal on not having a special someone, or bagging on couples because you are jealous I have one thing to say and ask of you:

1) Please stop teasing and making fun of couples!  Just because you are jealous of others doesn't make it okay to be a jerk about it!

2) My Advise for those who are so desperate to find someone:  Stop acting like you are God's gift to everyone.  Stop the pity me game.  It is a big turn off and it makes everyone not want to be around you (either relationships or friendship).

Thank you!

Brain Vs. Heart

Lately I've been feeling out of sorts and I don't know why.  I love my boyfriend very, very much, but I still feel unhappy.  When we hang out, I'm happy and I have fun with him, but when we are apart...I feel like crying.  I'm not sure why...is it because I'm not happy with him, or is it that I'm not happy without him...I don't know.

Before I wasn't happy with him because I thought he was lying to me.  I thought he was cheating on me with this one girl.  He almost cheated on me with another girl his first year up at Humboldt.  After that I didn't believe that he loved me...I didn't trust him...He says he loves me, but I feel like that he I'm his ticket out.

I don't know what to do, who to believe...Part of me feels that I'm not for him that he needs better.  Some of the things he jokes with me...I feel like he doesn't want to be with me like he is finding away out of the relationship.  Part of me feels like breaking up with him is the right thing to do...but part of me loves him and wants to be with him.

The part of me that wants to be with him can see myself marrying him, having kids with him.  He makes me laugh.  He tells me that he loves me and that he means it.  He tells me that I'm beautiful and he does try to make me feel good about myself.  He said that he would treat me like a queen and that he can see a future with me.  We have so much in common and we do have a good time together.

But the part of me that feels like breaking up is the best thing to do because no matter what happens now and what he says...I'm still hurt from the night of him almost cheating on me.  And the words he said about him being with other girls if he wasn't with me. I feel that he isn't serious with me and I still feel hurt and pain with some of the memories.  And despite that he hasn't cheated on me...he did lied to me.  He told me he never talk to the girl that I felt like he was cheated on me and then tells me that here and there he does talk to her.  I'm never sure with him.

He changed so much that I don't even know who he is anymore.  The way he talks and acts isn't him anymore.  It seems he tries to be someone that he isn't.  The person he is trying to be is kind of a playboy and tries to get with whatever girl he can.  I feel that he is going to be like that...if he hasn't been like that already.  That he doesn't need me anymore and want to be with every girl that he kind of likes, or likes him.  Soon I feel he will start to see that I'm not enough, or good enough for him.

I don't know how to feel anymore, what to do...