The Ring

I don't really believe in buying a promise ring.  1) they are pricy and 2) you might as well buy a wedding ring. Spring break 2009, my boyfriend gave me his class ring to promise me that he does love me and that he wants nothing bad to happen in this relationship.  A week later, I gave my class ring to him.  We didn't do it just to show off that we are in a relationship, but it was a nice reminder that we truly care for each other.  It helped while he was up in Humboldt for two years, and we really didn't get to see each other all that often.  It always reminded me of the promise he made to me.  Because his ring is too big for my hand and my ring is too small for his hand that we put it on necklaces.

A long time ago, I saw another  couple that did the same thing.  The reason they did it was because that she wanted to show off her relationship status, and those were her words.  I'm not saying that it is wrong or right, but I don't agree with it.  A few days ago I see that she lost her ring and was bummed. 

I made this post to share why I always wear a a necklace with my boyfriend's class ring on it.  It isn't to show off my relationship status...it is for me to remember why I'm with him and that it means the world to me.

Word of advice....well I guess I don't have one....

Dear Humboldt

Dear Humboldt Fencing Club,

I am sorry that I am not rich, or wonderful like you claim to be.  I'm sorry that I treat people with respect (those who earned it).  I'm sorry that I don't take back what I say because I mean everything I say.  I'm sorry that I don't go out every night to get drunk and sleep around with different people.  I'm sorry that I stand up for myself and my loved ones.  I'm sorry that I choose to be a decent human being than spoil little brats who treat people like crap.

You think you are better than me?  Let us review:
You sleep with almost everyone
I respect my relationship and choose not to cheat
You think you are better than everyone else that don't meet your standers
I treat people with respect until they do something that breaks it
You talk shit about people
I will stand up to you

Just because you are part of a group doesn't mean that your shit doesn't stink.  Just because mommy and daddy paid for your school doesn't mean you have the right to look down on me.  I'm paying my way through school.  I work hard to be where I'm at.  You claim the people that aren't in your inner circle is beneath you, but truth be told that you are lower than scum.

Your's truly


P.S.  Not everyone in the fencing club is like this...and they know who they are

To my love

To my love,

I love you so much
I'm here for you

Give me your sadness
So I can cry with you

Give me your rage
So I can clam you

Give me your hand
So I can help you find your way

The world may be dark
It may be cruel
I will be your friend
I'll walk the road next to you

Give me your Dreams
So I can help make them come true

Give me your friendship
So you'll never be alone

Give me your heart
I promise I will never break it

I'm hear for you
I love you oh so very much

Pros and Cons

My boyfriend has been home from Humboldt for awhile.  Though he does have two jobs, I still make more money than he does, but not by much.  I made a pro and con list....

Cons of boyfriend being back:
- Go through a lot of money
- Get side track from school work
- Feeling suffocated

Pros of boyfriend being back:
-Someone to hold
-Someone to talk to
-Someone to spend time with
-Someone to comfort you
- Someone to make you laugh
-Someone to help push you forward
-Someone who will listen to you

It looks like that there is a lot of pros of having him back!  I'm glad that my boyfriend is back from Humboldt and is transferring to CSUN.   If he stayed another year up there, I would more and likely broke up with him.  He wasn't becoming a good person and someone that wasn't him.  A lot of trust issues that he caused. Over all him being back is what saved our relationship

Man and Dog

Women always joke about how dogs are better companions than men because they are better listeners, or they will not cheat on you.  The thing is that a man and a dog has one thing in common with each other, and that is they both will love you unconditionally.  Do not get me wrong that there are guys that are jerks and will use you, and the same goes for women.  If you find the right guy, he will love you for everything that you are.  Women are the ones that tend to over think in the relationship and I know that I'm guilty of it.

Once you find the right guy, he will love you to the ends of earth.  My boyfriend is good to me and sometimes I think he is too good for me.  He will take care of me and make sure that I'm happy and okay before taking care of himself.  I have never dated anyone that loved me so much like him, and I can tell that everything he says and do that it is true.  There is a few thing that he needs to learn and work on, but overall he does everything right and beyond.  He could say something that I took the wrong way and I'll be mad at him.  I scream at him and tell him to go away, and he will listen to me, tell me that he loves me, and he will leave the room.  The thing that he needs to work on is setting boundaries with other girls, and reassuring that nothing is going on with his gal pals.  When you don't do that and make up reason why, then it seems like something is going on, and you give your girl a reason why they shouldn't trust you.

As women, we over think everything; especially love.  We make relationships much more complex then we really should.  We are the ones with the trust issues and we get jealous, so we cause more problems then it really needed to be.  We are always questioning his moves, his motivates, and his feelings.  Women can not take what the man does for face value.  To be fare that there are some guys that aren't the niceset guys in the world, and once again this goes the same way for women as well.

Word of advice:  If you have someone that loves you unconditionally and so much that we should treat them a little better.  We should not let our guard down just in case if someone is trying to use you, but if they are truly a good person don't question why.  Make sure give your partner a reason why they should trust you.

High Horse

You remember the days of Jr. High and High school, and everything that made it awkward?  I remember those days.  I remember being up front about my feelings to the guys I had a crush on.  I would either tell them up front (if I was brave enough), but always ended up me giving them a note telling them that I like them.  But it always ended the same; them only liking me as a sister. 

After high school, I'm in a relationship for 4+ years with a guy that I truly love.  I will run into the guys that I crushed on in high school, and I'll try to have a conversation with them and make up for making them feel awkward.  

But what I got was them thinking that I still am in love with them.  Of course they don't think that I moved on and that I don't see them in that way.  They think that even though that I have a boyfriend that I still in love with them and that I'm still trying to get with them.  You're not that great of guys and honestly most of you are a bunch of tools.  I don't think that I'm perfect, but I'm a good person and if none of you can see that then I don't need you in my life if you can't be grateful for my friendship. I moved on and I'm with a guy that I truly care for and see myself being with for the rest of my life.

Word of Advice:  Don't mistake my offer of friendship with trying to be with you romantically. Get off your high horse.

Stop Bullying

I. Introduction

A. Image a ten year old boy with a Multiple Sclerosis and requires two walking canes to help him move, and because of it he gets bullied.  The child tells the teacher and his parents, and the bully gets punished.  The bully is upset and because of it and torments the boy more still torments the boy, and the boy ends up committing suicide by putting a plastic bag over his head and suffocates.  This is a true story and it isn’t the only one about children committing suicide, or attempt the deed.

B. Bullying in today’s society has become an epidemic and by educating everyone, specifically focusing on bullies, this would be a safer society.

C. I have my Associate of Science in Early Childhood Education,  I’m working on my Bachelor’s of Science in Child Development.  I work in the child center at college of  the canyons.  I was a victim of being bullied, and I’ve done extensive research on this subject.

 D. Today I’m going to be discussing with you that there is a problem with bullying, what  to look for in both bullies and victims, and the effective methods that are used to help both bullies and the victims.

II. Body
 
 A. There is a problem of people bullying others. (Show video of the different types)
  1. There is more than one type of bullying and it is easy to bully others.
            a. Physical is where another person beats up another person
                i. Example: A person goes up to another person and starts punching, hitting, and kicking.
            b. Verbal is name calling and joking at another person’s expense
                i. Example: Calling someone loser, or using demeaning names;  Jap, N word, fag
            c. Indirect is spreading rumors about another person, or exclude certain people from groups.
                i. Example: “Did you hear that Susie slept with Joey.  She is such a  slut.” 
            d. Cyber is bullying another person through text messages, facebook/emails. Which make                       bullying a lot easier to do
                i. Example: Threading someone, calling them demeaning names, spreading rumors about                      another person through emails, facebook messages, or text messages

        2. It has become a problem for both the bully and the victim.
            a. According to Englander and Muldowney, 2007 “42% of students surveyed reported make              they had been cyber-bullied via instant messaging.”
            b. Another survey by Englander and Muldowney, 2006-2008 “22% of the subjects admitted                  to cyber-bullying someone else, with 20% admitting to bullying during school hours.”
            c.  According to Claire L. Fox, The article, The social skills problems of victims of bullying:    Self, peer and teacher perceptions “A small number of studies have found that victims of school bullying tend to exhibit poor social skills.”

        3. Victims commit suicide from the result of being bullied.
            i. In the article Behavioral Disorders, Bullying and Students with Disabilities:  Legal and Practice Considerations, Feb 2012 by John W. Maag “In Davis v. Monroe County Board of Education (1999), the Supreme Court  established a litmus test to determine whether peeron-peer harassment       results in district liability. This case involved a girl who was sexually harassed. As a result, her grades plummeted and she contemplated suicide as school officials took no action despite being informed of the harassment.”
            ii.  The victims are usually the ones with a certain disabilities, and they tend to have depression and anxiety. This effects their self-esteem and how they see themselves and others, and how they function in school.
            iii. Ken Rigby in Suicide & Life-Threatening Behavior "that approximately 1 male in 6 and 1 female in 8 is bullied by peers on a  weekly basis." and later in the article he states " Those who repeatedly engage in this behavior (on a weekly basis) are relatively few, comprising about 8% of boys and 4% of girls."
           iv. On the website bullyingstatistics.org 2012 "Suicide continues to be one of the leading causes of death among children under the age of 14. Bullycide is a term used to describe suicide as the result of bullying.  New bullying statistics 2010 are reporting that there is a strong connection between bullying, being bullied and suicide, according to a new study from the Yale School of Medicine. Suicide rates are continuing to grow among adolescents, and have grown more than 50      percent in the past 30 years."  it also said " 56% witnesses a bullying crime at school and that 1 out of 10 students drop out, or changes schools because bullying."

  
Next I’m going to discuss with you,

    B. What to look for in both bullies and victims.
        1. Characteristics of a bully:
            i. Bully/Victim Problems Among Preschool Children: a Review of Current Research Evidence Sep 2011 Educational Psychology Review  By Maria Vlachou described a bully to be "“(1) it is an aggressive behavior of intentional ‘harmdoing’ (2) which is carried out repeatedly and over time         (3) in an interpersonal relationship characterized by an imbalance of  power” (Olweus and Limber 1999:31). He also added that “the bullying behavior often occurs without apparent  provocation,” and “negative  actions can be carried out by physical contact, by words, or in other ways, such as making faces or mean gestures, and intentional exclusion from a group” (Olweus1999: 11). Bullying may, therefore, take a variety of  forms including physical (i.e., hitting, kicking, or punching) and verbal      abuse (i.e., threatening, mocking, name-calling, or spreading malicious rumors), social isolation, and/or exclusion (Lagerspetz et al.1988)."
            ii. A bully may have some sort of problems like psychological problems, or family problems.  A bully also has low self-esteem themselves and will pick on others to make them feel better about themselves, and  this will make them think they are better than others and boost their moral.  In some cases, a bully may be jealous the victim, or they may have little to no respect for other people.  A bully may be annoyed with the victim in some way like; the way the victim looks or acts.  Peer Pressure is another reason why someone would bully another person, so they will impress other people, or to be accepted in social groups.  Lastly, people tend to bully other people because the bully is afraid that they maybe bullied themselves.

        2. Characteristics of the Victim.
            i. The victims will have low self-esteem, depression, poor grades, keep to themselves, helpless, and lonely.
            ii. "Victims perceive their families as characterized by high levels of cohesion (Bowers et al., 1992) and low scores on negotiation (Oliver et al., 1994; Rican et al., 1993). An association was found between victimization and ambivalent attachment relationships. Compared with a group of controls, victims of bullying reported that their fathers had more power than did their mothers. They perceived siblings as being slightly less powerful compared to themselves (Bowers et al., 1992).         Furthermore, it was found that victims perceive small differences on parental monitoring compared to control children, thus revealing a less accurate monitoring style (Bowers et al., 1994). Clear differences were found between boys and girls. For boys, it was found that victimization                   is associated with a negative relationship with the absent father in single-- parent families. Victimized girls reported more negativism and hostility (Rican et al., 1993) and a negative relationship with the mother (Rigby, 1993). It was found that the family encourages less autonomy in girls (Rican, 1993). " according to Stevens, V; De Bourdeaudhuij Journal of Youth and Adolescence (2002) in Relationship of the Family environment to children's involvement in bully/victim problems at school.


Next I’m going to share,

    C. The effective methods that are used to help both the bullies and the victims.
        1. Educating children from an early age.
            i. Children notice the difference at a early age, as young as 4 years old.
            ii. Example: Child notice another child has curly hair.  Child A “Your hair is funny looking.”  Child B seems upset by this comment.  An adult (parent, teacher) can do is to sit with both children and teach them that everyone is different and that is okay. This will help children find more          effective and less hurtful ways of pointing out differences.  This method is used at my work, and it has been successful.
            iii. Back to the article Bully/Victim Problems Among Preschool Children: a Review of Current Research Evidence Sep 2011, Educational Psychology Review By Maria Vlachou shares "Entering formal preschool education is a crucial developmental step in many children’s lives mainly because it is within this context where they participate, for the first time, as members in a stable peer group and well-organized team activities. Consequently, preschool may be the first context beyond the home environment where children’s difficulties in social interactions with peers can be primarily detected and assessed by adults and professionals. The early identification and elimination, therefore, of these problems at this young age prevent their escalation in later years and minimize their negative impact on children’s social and emotional development while foster their successful adaptation in     school."

        2. Getting Parents involved.
            i.  Parents are great allies and if both teachers and parents can work together help both the bullies and the victims. This can be a positive and a very effective.
            ii.  Having this repetition both in homes and schools will help the bully understand and get them to stop . 

        3. Talking it out with the bullies.
            i. Do not just punish the bully without communicating with them and letting know why they are being punished.    
            ii.  Don’t make the punishment or time out too long depending on the age and the development of the child.  If it is too long then the child will more and likely forget why they are being punish and they are going to feel angry because they got punished.
            iii. Give them warnings.  Example: If a child is hitting another child, go up to the child is doing the hitting and let them know that they need to stop, and if they don’t that a punishment will be enforced.
            vi. Communicate with them in a kind and loving tone.  Be approachable.
            v. Work and communicate with the parents of both sides.
            vi. Start helping children at a young age.  The younger you can help children the easier it is going to be for them to not bullying others.
           

III.  Conclusion

    A. I have just discussed with you that there is a problem, what to look for in both bullies and victims, and the effective methods that are used to help both bullies and the victims.

    B. Bullying in today’s society has become a n epidemic and by educating everyone, specifically focusing on bullies, this would be a safer society.

    C. Now that we know that there is a problem with bullying.  If we can get teachers and parents of both the bullies and the victims to work together we can help reduce the suicide rates and we might put an end to bullying.