Going through life

I know I haven't been on for a long time, but a thought came to me and feel like this is important  (at least to me) to share. I was asked by one of my friends how I deal with life.  Today is also 4/20 which is a day of potheads to have an excuse to get high. First I want to make two things clear 1) I don't have a problem with people who smoke pot. That is their thing so be it. 2) I don't smoke pot nor I'm  planning on to at anytime.  It got me thinking is that if you are using pot to escape your problems and reality then there is a problem. It is as the same as someone drinking untill the problem  "goes away ".  It is one thing you do it for fun like at parties.  If you are doing it because  life is getting too much for you handle it then there is a problem.

I have my problems, my anxieties, mood swings, but I move on. I push forward  because I don't let my issues control me. I am a person and I take on life one thing at time and I push forward.  I am a preschool teacher and I want to show the kids that there is strong people out there and they can be strong too. That the "tools" out there to help escape it for awhile  isn't going to help. The problem is that people think pot and alchol will fix everything,  but it doesn't.  It only put the issues on pause for awhile and then you have to go back to it and the problems will just pile up.

Opening old wounds, making new ones

I don't like sharing this part of my life, but I need to get this out.  Someone might read it, maybe someone will, it might be someone I know, or it could be a stranger.  At this point, I don't really care anymore.  I'm not saying that I had a hard life, but my life wasn't easy. Growing up was hard. I never had true, good friends. I always got picked on by the other kids. What friends I did have, they would all leave me because someone would tell them not to for number of bullshit reasons. I would also get called a bunch of names.  I would tell a school authority, but they would play it off like it was nothing and that I need a thicker skin.  It was hurtful to hear that while you were 7-10 years old. Sometimes it got physical and I have gotten kicked or pushed in the mud. Elementary school was hell.

Home was hard. My parents cared, but it was hard at times. My mom was the only one working and my dad stayed home to watched my brother and myself. But my dad would drink all day and would occasionally get mad over the littlest things. I remember to this day my dad got mad at me because my grades weren't high enough (still in elementary school). He smacked me a crossed the face and I hit the wall. I can still feel the sting on my left cheek. I also remember when my parents fight, furniture would be every where. The earliest parts of my life was hard.

I am going through a dark time in my life right now. My parents are fighting and threatening divorce. None of them are talking to me or my brother. It brings back bad and painful memories of my childhood. I just need to get this out to help me get through a tough part that I hope isn't going to last long.

A real man

I have seen a few post from girls saying that they want a bad boy that is only good for them.  For me, I want a good guy. The type of guy that wants to do right by me, he is scared to lose me, that I am his world.

I do have that guy.  I have posted a few things about how I was unhappy with the relationship because it was all his fault.  The truth is yes, he got drunk and a girl came on to him.  She invited him to her room.  And you know what he did?  He walked away from her.  He sent me an email still drunk telling me what happened.  I was hurt and it hurt for awhile because I never got closer until a few years ago.   His whole time at Humboldt was a nightmare,  but when he hit rock bottom
And was kicked out, it has opened up his eyes and he realized that he needed to grow up.  You know what? He did just that, he grew up! He owned up to his mistakes and try to make right to everyone that he wronged.   Those people were his mom, dad, myself,  and most importantly himself.   If we can forgive and try to get pass the nightmare,  than what is your problem? Even when you acknowledge the positive results.

What makes a man?

He Is A Gentleman

He Is Direct

He Is Faithful

He Has Integrity

He Is Honest

He Is Mature

He Is Self-Confident

He Has a Positive Attitude

And now and the past year or so that Chris has grown to be all these things on that list.  He has always been a gentleman back in high school.   He helps me when I fall, holds doors open for me, walk me to my door, carry my bag, and when he can he pays for me (and you know what? I don't expect him to pay for me all the time). He has a direction of what he wants in life and he is working his ass off to get what he wants.  He has never once cheated on me, never and I can say that with confidence!  He had many opportunities to cheat and didn't.   A real man doesn't sleep with a million women, a real man love one woman a million ways.  He use to lie all the time,  but when his life was falling apart he need to change,  and guess what? He did! He is working hard to make the life he wants and he has been honest with his parents, me, and to himself.  He has owned up to what he did wrong and he is cleaning up the mess that he had made.   He is happy with himself and the way his life is going.

A real man isn't based on haw many women he can get, or how perfect he think he may be (aka God's gift to women).  A real man knows his flaws, his mistakes, and he tries to make it better and do what is right even if he was wrong.  He loves only one, he doesn't sleep around. He isn't proud about hurting women, or making them cry and thinks it is great success for him.

I am proud of Chris and what he is doing.  He made mistakes, but he changed.   He wants me happy and he wants to be the one to do that. He  does make happy, he treats me as an equal,  he values what I have to say, what I feel.  He is a good guy and he won't take advantage of people. He doesn't make me do things that I don't like.  I am truly happy despite what the naysayers think that they know (because they know crap).

If you are not happy,  if your "loved one" is making you do things that you don't want to do,  doesn't listens to you, has to have sex with other women, won't let you do your thing that makes you happy, won't let you  express yourself,  forces you to ignore your friends, you so he can booty...that is not a relationship...it is being a toy.

I can honsestly say I am happy with my relationship and my life. Can you say the same?

50 shades of issues?

There is a big debate about the 50 shades of Grey movie.  When the books came out, people made it a big deal as well.  I read all three books to see what the issue was about and found that it was exactly what to expect from this book [IT IS PORN!] It is like every other lady's romance novel.   If people is making a big issue about one book series,  then do the same with the other romantic novels and not single out just this one.

Another reason is the writing is horrible and/or it is Twilight fan fiction.   I agree completely with that statement!   Yes I didn't agree with Twilight nor did I like it!  I felt like it was a major let down and there was so much that could have been done with it.  I know what I was getting myself into when reading 50 shades of Grey and yes the writing was bad, but it wasn't to the point that you couldn't read the book.  For me it was a guilty reading pleasure.   I also found myself having a hard time reading books similar to it.

Some argue that it doesn't represent the BDSM community.   There is a difference between BDSM and a Dominant and submissive relationship.  It does uses the terms and what not that is used in BDSM and D/s relationship.  Though I do agree that in start of their weird relationship could be seen as date rape.   Others will argue that he is abusive, not BDSM or D/s relationship.   Yes he is abusive because the author added a twist (he had a drug addict mother and he likes to beat little brown haired girls that reminds him of his mother).  On a psychological point of view makes it interesting to read.

I'm not saying people need to read this book series or go to see the movie,  but I am saying that you should stop bashing it.  I thought twilight (both books and movies) were terrible,  but I am not going to make a big deal about it like people are doing about 50 shades of Grey.

Word of advice:
People need to stop raining on others opinions because the same can be done about the things that you like.  Don't like the book, don't like the movie?  Don't read it, don't watch it!

My 100th post (Women=objects?)

Awhile ago there was a shooting down by Santa Barbra because this guy wanted sex and didn't take rejection well. Though it was a long time ago and this can be put to rest, it still made me ponder this for awhile.  I watched his video and hearing him talked about how he was perfect and that women are a bunch of sluts because they didn't want to be with him, and they go out with other types of guys that he saw as annoying, ugly apes.  At the end of this tragic story is that this guy shot six people before taking his own life.

This is sickening that a guy thinks that he is God's gift to women and that the females of the human kind should be throwing themselves to him.  Well I am sorry to break the news, but women are NOT objects.

The sad thing is that there is some men out there who believe that women purpose on this planet is to be in the kitchen and serving her man.  Also that they should give up her body to him when ever he demand it.

I hope that with all the shootings that we had the past few months will be put to an end.  Also, women are not objects and that her body is hers and not of a man for whatever he wants with whenever he wants it.

Book Report: The Divergent Series

I have been reading the divergent series.  I finished book one a while ago, and I am currently working on the second book.  I am almost done with it and I will more and likely read the last book.  I find reading relaxing especially on a long work day.  I enjoyed the Hunger Games series, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, so on and so forth.  The Divergent series is an interesting series that I have read so far.  I enjoy it and hate it at the same time.

I have read many books in the past, but never to think to post my feelings on a blog about it.  But hey, why not?  I have been having mixed emotions about what I read so far.  This is completely my opinion, so if you loved it that is great and if you hated it then that is good too.

The two main characters are hard to stand.  The main character Beatrice, or as she is refer as Tris.  I get that wanting a new identity when going into a new fraction, but you can't come up with a better name.  To me it felt like the character is trying to be a bad ass with a pretty lousy one syllable nickname.  Through out the book, they play that she is truly selfless despite how she view her self.  Most of the book is about the love interest and being selfless for him.  Her parents died and there were a few ways she could have help.  She killed one of her friends that could have been spared.  But when it came to her boyfriend, she did everything her power to help him or snap him back to normal.  She also ruins every plan because she thinks she knows what it is best.  They play her as a special snowflake.  I was happy that there is more than two divergents in the book.  I do love when she did snap and screaming that she cannot be controlled.

The other character is Tobias, or Four.  He is the love interested and the high school girl's dream of the bad boy going good for that one lucky girl.  He comes off as a jerk and yet Tris keeps going after him.  They just met and they are already in love.  This romance is a little too Twilight for me.  They do not care for the fact that they only help either themselves, or the lover.  Rarely I read that they cared to help someone else.

I truly enjoy the concept, the minor characters, and the idea.  The hard part is the two main characters.  They are hard to like and that you do root for the other guy at times.  I hope that the third book gets better with both Tris and 4.

That is my book report so far on what I read.  Like I said before, you can agree with me or not, just remember that it is my own thoughts.

I'm sorry

Hey it has been awhile since my last post.  I got a new keyboard for my tablet and this a test to see if works.  So far it is working pretty well.  The title of this post is not for the lack of not posting much, but more of the responce to when someone says "I'm sorry."

The past few months I was thinking about how people react after I or someone else say "I'm sorry." I notcie that I get the same thing: "It's not your fault", "Why are you sorry", or "you didn't do anything."

Yes, thanking you for lettig me know that it wasn't my fault because I totally was trying to make your life hell!  I know that it wasn't my fault and that there is nothing that I can do.

When I say sorry, it doesn't mean that it was my fault, or that I am trying to fix what is wrong.  I say it because I feel bad that it happened, I feel bad that I can't do much to make things a little better for you.

What I  am trying to say is that there is more than one or  two meaning when apologizing.  Sometimes you can make someone feel like crap and feel worse when saying it's not your fault.

Word of advice:
Sorry is not just a black and white thing

Sexuality

A few weeks ago I have seen a few post about transgender and transexuals.  One was an article about babies born as both sex and the parents picking one gender to make it less awkward.  Another the was a post of a person refusing to acknowledge a person's identity that they choose to be than the one they were born with.  Of course I am cool with transgenders/transexuals, but I stopped to think what it if it happened to someone I know and is close to me.

If one of my family members decided to change their gender would be hard to get use to, but I am pretty positive that I would be okay and I will supportive.  Then I started to think what if my boyfriend decided that he wanted to be a woman and would I still be with him.

At first I wouldn't be because I identify myself being straight.  Then I thought more about it because I believe in soul mates and that their is that one person for everyone.  I realized that I would be with him because I fell in love with the person that makes me smile, feel wonderful about myself.

I asked my boyfriend the same question and at first he wasn't sure that he could be with me if I were to become a man.  The more we talked it out he realized that he would love me and be with me no matter what.

At first I did only believed in only straight, gay, or bi.  I didn't believe people claiming being pansexual and what not.  I thought it was people wanting to be a special snowflake and want to be called something different than bisexual, or they are straight and wanting attention.  But after having this conversation with my boyfriend, I realized that I love my boyfriend as a person and not because he has a certain body part.  That I would love him no matter what gender he choose to be and he is the same way.

Word of advice:
Some times we have the mantility of it would never happen to me.  Some times we need to step back and put ourselves in that situation to truly understand others.

Valentines day vs. Acknowledging all relationships

Because Valentines day is next Friday and I have put some thought on this subject, I feel this is rather appropriate to share.

Last year I made a post about how people who are in non relationships need to stop whining about how lonely and blaming the ones that are in relationships.  Also people that are in relationships need to cool it on how your relationship is better than others, especially after being in a relationship for 3 days.

This post is sparked after sharing ideas with my coworkers for next week activities.  At my center, we cannot do holidays, but on valentines day we talk about all forms of relationships with everyone in their lives.  This made me think that we shouldn't just focus on our boyfriend\girlfriend, but as well as our parents, grandparents, siblings, other family members, friends, and coworkers. 

I guess what I am trying to say is that we do have other relationships with other people that help us move forward.  We should be appreciative of all people in our lives.  Having a significant other is nice, but not the end all be all.  Disney is making that move by having their movies like Frozen and Brave.

Word of advice:
In a relationships or not, we need to look at the other people in our life that help shape us to who we are today.

The size of inner beauty

This has been bugging me for awhile, so I am making a post about weight issues:

I can easily say that I am not the skinniest person, nor am I the fattest!  I am proud to see girls with curves are being comfortable in their skin, but to what price?

I have seen Facebook post saying that a curvy Gil is more beautiful than a skinny girl.  I am not going to lie that it doesn't bother me because it does!

Like curvy girls, most skinny girls are born like it and genetics messes with them as well.  We think skinny girls are mean, stuck up, so on and so on.  We are say everyone is beautiful and that means everyone that has a good heart!

And for the girls that starve themselves or throwing up their food in a fear that they may get fat, they have a psychological problem that they need help!


I know nice skinny girls and bitchy curvy girls, and the other way around!  It is the person, not the way they look!


Word of advice:
Support inner beauty, not the size of the person.
Don't put anyone down because they are curvy, chubby, skinny.  Because that is going to cause more problems.

Lesson from Mike

Sorry that I haven't been writing, but it has been a crazy time since my last blog for anyone that still reads it.  The past couple of days I have been think about my ex, Michael Galetti.  I decided to make a post about him.

Mike was my first real boyfriend, or at least in my mind he was.  He took me on one date and I really had a good time.  Later he wanted it to be physical.  At first I stood my ground and told him that I was not ready for that kind of relationship.  He decided to call things off (before Valentines day of course).  I started to regret my decision and try to get him back and I was willing to take the relationship to where he wants it to be.  After awhile he gives me a second chance (lucky me).  So the rest of this so-called relationship was just that, sex and me paying everything just to have some sort of real relationship.   After awhile he decides that he can't handle it and ingores me for a good month.  I assumed he is cheating on me and send him a message stating that.  He finally replies back the whole "we are over","it's me, not you" and so on and so on...

I tried to be friend him and he would accept, but I would push my luck and hope he might give me a chance and he leaves again.  He meets a new girl and I would be friend her in hopes that I can see how he is doing.  In the process two of his friend will message me threatening.  I realized that he is not worth it anymore and more and likely he got them to do it.

I moved on change my out look on life and what I wanted out a guy, the relationship, and what I wanted out of myself.  I focus on school, so I can leave Walmart.  I did all that and I do feel better about myself.  I am at the place that I love working at.  I got there on my own without the help of Mike, or anyone, but the support of the people that matter.  I found myself in a relationship with a guy I am very happy with and treats me the way that I deserve to be treated. I am now happy with the direction that my life is heading.

At the time that I was with him,  in my head I did love him.  Looking back at it now, it wasn't love.  He used me for my body, my money, and my emotions.  We were never met to be and I am okay with this fact.  Our paths may or may not cross, and once again I am okay with this.

Word of Advice:
Usually the relationship doesn't last and does suck, but it is okay to get through and move on because the chances are that they are living their life just fine without you.  Don't cry over your Michael Galetti because your Christopher Baker might be around the corner.

Facebook Friends

Two post ago, I wrote about the friends on facebook and that I met each person in person at least once in my life time.  Everyone knows how many friends on facebook or myspace (if anyone still uses it) even though one claims that they don't know or care that they have 523 friends.  But when one person decides that they want nothing to do with you and they delete you from their friends list.  When you log on to your social media site and you see the number of friends went down my one, so that 523 is now a 522, you know that someone got rid of you.

Most people think it is silly to be upset by this, but people are upset by this.  A few times I meet a new person and be friends them and I add them to the facebook friends list, the another one leaves.  And I have been the one to delete people off the friends list.  I can tell you from both points of view:

The one that has been deleted:
At first you start to wonder who was the one that deleted you.  Even though you may never have interacted with this person, you still feel hurt that they just up and vanish with out talking you.  But also keep in mind that: Did I talk to this person? Do I even know this person? 
But I think what hurts the most is that we like to know why.  We want to know why are you taking us off, is it something we did, did we grow apart?  We like closure when things come to an end.

The one that did the deleting:
When you delete someone from a friends list, it is usually that you either grown apart with them, they did something to really make you mad, or do I even know this person?  When we delete someone, we don't really think much on that it could effect that person we took off the list.  Even when their is logical reasons of why. We also don't think of bring closure to ending a "friendship" because it does make it harder for ending it.  It really depends on the reason why one would delete another person.

Today I found that a person took me off their friends list and it did suck a little because I was wondering who took me off and why they did it.  But then I realize the friends that I do talk to and that really do hang out with is still their, so it doesn't matter because it was probably a person that really don't communicate with.  If I knew who it was, I would be wondering why do I have them on facebook.  
 


Word of Advice:
I'm not going to lie, it does suck when people don't want to be friends with you.  Even though we are adults and we shouldn't be effected by this, but we cannot help it.  It is how we handle the situation

Lab Students Fall of 2013

As most of you that do follow my blog know that I work at a daycare center at the community college.  When people take ECE classes, they can take ECE Lab and they can observe child, teachers, and parent interactions in a classroom setting.  Most of the lab students that we had in my room in the pass were really nice and helpful and actually interacting with the children.  Of course there was a few lab students that were to scared to get their expensive clothes painted on, but all of them were really sweet.  This year is my first year after in three years that I'm in the afternoons again.  I don't get to meet most of the lab students that help out in the classroom. 

When I walk in to my room early to start setting up for the afternoon, every lab student their gives me this death glare.  They would give me a look of "why are you doing hear and why are you hugging my kids"  Even when the master teacher would tell them that I am the lead afternoon teacher and that I have worked with majority of the kids last year; because I did worked in the mornings  before this promotion.  A few of the lab students are sweet, but they get wrapped up with a child and you can tell that they already have a favorite.  This also leads with them just working with that child and doing things that we would not do at work.  I told my master teacher that and she just kept giving me the dirtiest look anyone could give me because I told the master teacher what she was doing. A few of them I will try to talk to and be friendly, but will give this answer with an attitude.  

I don't know what is up with lab students this semester, but they need to stop acting like that they are running the class room and treat actual teachers like they are scum of the planet. 

Word of Advice:
Be respectful to everyone in the building because it isn't just classroom and children stuff that you are learning, it is also teaching you how to work with a staff

From one end of California to another-the people in between

Back of the days of myspace and when facebook started out, everyone tried to be friends with many people as one can.  Even though a lot of people have never met most of their friends they had on their friends list, the goal was to break at least 500.  I realized that now I have 305 friends on facebook, but am I bragging about it??? No!

I went through all of my friends list and wondering: Do I even know half of these people?  The people that I have on here are ones that I went to school with, my family that I don't get to see, the ones that I work with (both from Wal-mart and the center), people that I met at COC,  the ones that I met through Chris up at Humboldt, and a couple that I met at a concert.  I know and met all 305 people and I can say that I have met each person at least once in person. 

Do I talk to everyone?  Of course not!  The only ones that I do talk to are my close friends and the people that I currently work with.  One would say "Why don't you just delete the other people if you don't talk to them at all?"  The reason is that I use to know these people and it is nice to see how they are doing and how their lives are playing for them.  It is nice to know that they are safe,having a good life.

What am I trying to get at?
I guess it is interesting on how many people you meet, how you met them, and what kind of memory you hold for them

A beautiful sadness

Overview:
This is a clip from South Park when Stan's heart was broken when Wendy broke up with him and she starts seeing Token.  Stan's friends try to make him feel better by taking to him what is basically a Hooters.  Stan is still heartbroken over Wendy.  Stan starts hanging out with the goth kids and because just a whinny brat because it didn't work out with one Wendy.  The girls that work at this restaurant flirts with the boys and Butters falls in love with one of the girls, and he doesn't realize that she was doing that so he would tip more money.  Butters buys her gifts and starts stalking her.  Towards the end, Butters realized that the girl he was stalking was not his girlfriend and that she really didn't like him.  He was hurt and he was left crying at the side of the road in the rain.  Then Stan and the other goth kids finds Butters and they try to get him to join with the group. Butters turns them down because he loves life to be in a group that was always complaining and hating life.  Stan was confused by this because Butters got his heart ripped out.  Butters simply explains that even though he is sad about the break up, but that still makes him happy because that there was something that made him so happy at one point and when it was taken away that it made him sad about it.  Butters continues that with that going on that it makes him feel alive, that it makes him feel human.  It is what he calls a beautiful sadness.


Why is it worth sharing?
I thought about how I feel when I am sad and at the moment of sadness that I just want it to go away and I don't care how. But when I see this picture above, it makes since what Butters meant and that I do feel alive because I have all these emotions and I'm able to express them.  I see posts on facebook and hear how people talk about how horrible life is because they are lacking something in their lives (mostly not being able to have a girlfriend/boyfriend) and that they do everything in their power to keep themselves from ever being happy.  And because they are not happy, these people will complain how they are unhappy and that there is nothing that will ever make them happy.  Outsiders will try to help them and cheer them up, and it will work a total of ten minutes and they are back to being depressed.  After reading that picture, it made me realized that we forget that even though we are sad, but that just means that there was something that made us really happy and that we are alive to feel such heartbreak and that we are human. 


Word of Advice:
I would never think that South Park gave a good advice, but they did.  Overall we need to remember that it is okay to feel sad but just know that we will be okay.  We need to work through it and not push everyone who is trying to help us up.

My life in music

I saw this and I wanted to see how my life sound track would be...

How am I feeling today? Masters of the World (Sabaton)
How do my friends see me? The Siren (Nightwish)
What is the story of my life? Stand (Rascal Flatts)
What song describes my mom? Reflection (Mulan)
What song describes my dad? God Love Her (Toby Keith)
What song describes my significant other? Here Without You (3 doors down)
What song describes my ex?  Whoever brings the night (Nightwish)
To describe my grandparents? Return to the Sea (Nightwish)
How is my life going?  Christmas/Sarajevo 12/24 (Trans-siberian Orchestra)
What song will they play at my funeral? Love is a Battlefield (Pat Benatar) *I'm okay with this
How does the world see me? Six (All that Remains)
Will I have a happy life? Wizards in Winter (TSO)
What do my friends really think of me? Your Hand in Mine (Explosions in the Sky)
What is some good advice for me? Ticket to Heaven (3 Doors Down)
How will i be remembered? Stray Cat Strut (Stray Cat Strut)
What is my current theme song? Through the Fire and Flames (Dragonforce) *OH DEAR GOD MY FINGERS*

LIFE STORY:
Opening Credits: Touch the Sky (Brave)
Waking Up: Eden (Sarah Brightman)
First Day At School: Steal Away (Celtic Thunder)
Falling In Love: Enter Sandman (Metallica)
Fight Song: Don't Stop Me Now (Queen) *I'm laughing at this*
Breaking Up: Can't get my head around you (Offspring)
Prom: Be Like That (3 doors down)
Life's OK:  Elvenpath (Nightwish)
Mental Breakdown: Stargazers (Nightwish)
Driving: The Riddler (Nightwish)
Flashback: Sahara (Nightwish)
Getting Back Together: I'm Not Over (Carolina Burning)
Wedding: Circle of Life (Lion King)
Birth of Child: Deliver Me (Sarah Brightman) BWHAHAHAHAHA
Final Battle: Last of the Wilds (Nightwish)
Death Scene: Lappin, Part 2: Witchdrums (Nightwish)
Funeral Song: Celtic Carol (Lindsey Striling)
End Credits:Stalingrad  (Sabaton)

Leadership

It has been one month since I started back to work after being off for three months during summer vacation.  I have been working at the center for five years and started my first year as a lead teacher in the afternoons.  I co-teach with another teacher in the afternoons, so there is four of us total that work together; two lead teachers and two assistant teachers.  We seem to have a system to make the our classroom run smooth and it is working for us so far.  

Last Friday, one of the assistant teacher brought up a concern with another assistant teacher was doing.  I could have easily went to that teacher and talk to her about the concerns that were brought up.  But I figure that we would have a meeting, so no one would feel attack.  I talk to my Master Teacher about it and she agree that would have been the best thing to do.

Today we had our meeting once we got the children down for nap.  We talked about how that we need to focus on all the children and not just the ones that we favor.  We also talked about snack and that once it is done, it is done.  We discuss what we can do for a solution for the ones that wait last minute for snack.

I realized that after this meeting that I had with my staff, that I'm not just watching and observing with child, but also with adults.  I am doing everything as a master teacher with a few exceptions.  I didn't realize how much more responsibility placed on me.  In the past of everyday that I worked.  I always try to go for a supervisor position.  Back Wal-mart, I tried to be one because I was already doing the work of one, so might as well get the pay of one.  Because of the comment that it was "not woman's work" and not working with my school scheduled, so I left.

When I started working at the daycare center five years ago, I just focus on working with children.  I grew to wanting to plan activities for a classroom, and that lead to taking on more responsibilities.  This past summer I was interviewed for the master teacher position, but did not get it.  I'm glad that I didn't because the one that they did pick is a good choice.  But I did not walk away empty handed, and I was given the lead.  I took this opportunity and I'm running with it.

If I look back a few years ago when I was in high school, I can easily can say that I had nothing that makes a good leader.  When I graduated, I learn more about myself and that I realized that I was never a follower and how controlling I really am.  Taking on this position as an afternoon lead is bring new challenges that I need to help me grow more.  It also helps me work on excellent leadership skills and how to work with other adults.


Word of Advice:
 Sometimes new challenges can be overwhelming and rewarding at the same time!

What is a price of a mile?

And as the the night falls the general calls
And the battle carries on and on
What is the purpose of it all?
What’s the price of a mile?

Thousands of feet march to the beat
It’s an army on the march
Long way from home
Paying the price in young mens lives

12 years later as of tomorrow and poor men and women lying their lives to protect ours.  It is time to come home

Word of Advice:

What is a price of a mile? 

Frankenstein's Monster

In my English class, we are reading Mary Shelly's Frankenstein.  Part of our homework is to write up a journal entry of what we read.  So far we only had to write up two, so in the second entry I wrote about the part that we ended in our reading.  The part that I wrote about is the creature was sharing his story, his observations, and his feelings to his creator.  We find out that the monster is lonely and it made me realize that we have at one point felt what the creature was feeling.  We are a creature trying to find a friend and we get treated if we are a monster.

Growing up in Burbank, I really didn't have a friend in the world.  I would have some people say that were my friends, but leaving because someone would tell them not to be my friend, or they were a loser if they were.  I would also have friends that would be friend me, but only to tell my other friends to leave me.  It sucks in you were in elementary school. I would get called a flea or other horrible names.  No one would help me and told me that I was the one with the problem and that I need to grow thicker skin.  I was the one that needed to change. At a young age that this message was for me that I was the one with a problem, and that it was okay for what the other children were doing.  The only thing that I wanted was a friend and to stand by my side through good and bad.  Someone to pull me up when I'm down, and not care the lies and rumors that the other children would say.  That is all that I really wanted as a kid...no toys, games, or any of that...I wanted a friend.

When reading Frankenstein, it was easy to get mad at the monster because he killed a young child and framed an innocent girl.  But once you read to the part that he is telling his story only to find out that he was lonely, and he had no one; no family, no friends, no lover.  You start to feel for the creature and realize that at one point that you feel like him. 

I shared my story.  At a young age I was tormented throughout elementary school and I had no one on my side. 

Word of Wisdom:
Who is the true monster, the ones that looks different from everyone, or the ones that treats another human being like crap without any reason?

Making the best of it

First I want to apologize for my grammar and spelling from a couple of my last post.  It is very hard to type on a 7" tablet.   That is why I haven't really been posting anything new...also there isn't really anything new for me to post.

So here is the update:
My boyfriend finally got into a new college that isn't Humboldt.  He is now going to California State University of Bakersfield for this coming year, and hopefully he can get into California State University of Northridge for a year and to finish up and get his degree.

I'm postponing the university center because I cannot afford to go, so I'm working on the last four general education classes and then transfer to an university.  I also want to take the year to save up for a car, or get the one my dad has repaired.  I'm going to make this happen!!!!

I started back at work last week, and started my new position as lead teacher in the afternoons.  I'm a little sad that I didn't get the master teacher position, but I'm glad that they gave it to someone that is wonderful and she is great!   I get to co teach with the lead in the green room and everything seems to be working out so far!  This is a step up from when I started and it will be 5 years that I have been working at the center as of tomorrow!

Since I am now working in the afternoons, this opens up my mornings for many things.  So I figure that I can work on my homework (I'm only taking two classes, and it is nothing but readings and papers).  I also decided that I'm going to take advantage of the track not being use, but also open.  In the mornings I'll go to the track and run five laps, and then changed into normal clothes and working on homework. I'll do this until I go into work at 12.

I'll also do some babysitting on the weekends and after work to make so extra cash.  So I am nice and busy! I will visit Chris up at Bakersfield during the weekends when we are free to do so!

I'm keeping myself nice and busy and making the best of it!



Word of Advice:
Times flies when you are having fun (or very busy!)